I haven’t posted since August 9, last Tuesday. I’ve really been emotionally void of words. But, I wanted to follow up and at least give you, my sweet and faithful blog readers, a glimpse of how my first wedding anniversary without my husband faired.
You know the timeless question…I have good news and bad news…which do you want first? I’m going with the bad…or, as I prefer to call it – the ugly. It’s not that there was anything bad about the day, per se. But, there was a lot of UGLY.
The ugly consisted of…
Tears…loads and loads of tears. I’m talking about ugly cry tears. Probably the 2nd or 3rd hardest cry I’ve had since learning of Chris’ death.
A visit to the cemetery that ended with me driving around for an hour…lost…not in location…just in life.
Disappointment…HUGE disappointment in so much.
Ache…literal ache…body, heart, soul, and spirit.
But, there was also beautiful in this day…
A couple of sweet cards that arrived in the mail from precious friends.
A beautiful arrangement of flowers delivered to my home from my sweet friends, Brett & Kandi.
A get-together with the precious women from my Connect Group at church. They wanted to ensure that I wouldn’t be alone.
A lovely bouquet of flowers created by the offerings of each woman that came to our Connect Group ladies’ night get-together.
Flowers were always a very significant part of our celebrations! My romantic husband loved giving me flowers, and that’s something that I’ve missed the most. Not the feeling of being doted upon by him…just the feeling of being loved by him. He expressed love in so many ways, but he never failed to express his love through a colorful floral display on each of our monthly and yearly anniversaries!
But, perhaps the biggest BEAUTIFUL of the day, were all the prayers being lifted up on my behalf. WOW. Just WOW! I received message after message of the masses of people praying for me through that day. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I shutter to think what I would have looked like without that very important prayer covering. I know how hard the day was with it, so I don’t want to envision even a glimpse without it.
Even with the ugly…I continue to praise my sweet Lord for being so very real to me. Without Him…I am nothing. Without Him…I could not do this. Without Him…I’d be so lost, so miserable, so hopeless, so spiritually ugly.
But, with Him…I will make it. With Him…I will be restored. With Him…I have eternal Hope. With Him…even though grieving…I strive to remain spiritually beautiful…because, I am carved in His image!
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
A beautiful post, Leah. And such an inspiration. How amazing for you to be able to share your journey to healing with others knowing that they, too, will be impacted by the words you write. Thank you for your selfless acts. I pray that as you continue to cling to God, He would pour out His grace…deep, deep grace…and empower you to keep your eyes on the prize. Blessings my new sweet friend 🙂
May 16th Mark and I would have celebrated our 30th anniversary! It was so very kind of a few of my church friends to take me out to dinner so I wouldn't be alone. What a treasure God has given us, Leah, in the friends He has placed in our lives. I continue to pray for you on this journey!! I believe God has great plans but I also KNOW it is a Very Difficult Journey!! I'm with you!!! Thanking God HE IS WITH US AS WELL!!!