It’s not too difficult to see if you’ve been following my blog posts this week that it’s been a doozy. Monday was just plain yucky. And…yesterday? Well, I think I just spent the day getting over Monday.
There’s nothing monumental that’s taken place. I mean, even my splatter on the floor of the local grocery store is minor compared to the events of May 3-4. So, putting all of this into perspective…it’s not been that bad, if I really think about it.
So, why the sullen mood?
I’m just hurting. I’m missing Chris terribly right now. It just happens. I think about him every single day, but somedays…I’m absorbed with thoughts of him. I just want him back so badly. I know that’s impossible…but, I can still want…can’t I? Even typing this blog…the tears are pouring, my shoulders are quivering, because I miss him sooooo badly! I. Really. Miss. Him. I don’t know how to say it any plainer than that.
But, I have to move forward. I have to keep serving the God that I adore. I have to keep walking the journey. I have to keep trusting. And, I must keep thanking. It’s in the thankfulness, I find healing.
And so I begin…
I gave thanks for…
1. My Jesus
2. Anna’s laughter
3. Healing tears
4. Authentic friends
5. Clean drinking water
6. Scenic mountain landscapes
7. Eyesight to see God’s gifts
8. The ability to feel useful even while deeply grieving
9. Encouraging comments on my blog
10. “Just because” cards received in the mail at just the right time
11. Still being able to see my 5-yr-old daughter’s face now in her almost grown 14-yr-old face as she wakes in the morning.
12. The precious flowers I found on my doorstep yesterday with the message: “Leah, you are so loved. God”
And the list continues…that’s just a sampling.
Thank you God for holding me so closely right now!
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| My surprise flowers that arrived yesterday! |
I have stopped my grieving for a moment to share in your pain. I read your last several posts! I'm sorry you have had some hard days. Monday was awful for me as well! I am praying for you, Leah, truly understanding your pain and sense of longing to just be with Chris again. Today I am thankful to see your list of 'thanks' because it reminds all of us that even in the midst of horrific pain we can see hope around us. I cling to the glimmers of hope as I am sure you do too. You continue to be a blessing even when (especially when) you share your hurting heart with the world!! Love you!
Wish I had more profound things to say to encourage you, but know that you're loved and prayed for. *HUG* 🙂
I pray He gives you a new joy. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I do know there have to be wonderful God-things around the corner for you. But right now, this is where He has you. Praying for you. <3 :~)
Thinking of you every day! I'm often amazed that you seem to be doing so well, and completely understand days like you've been having lately. I'm praying that when the storms like this come and the waves threaten to wash over you, you will find your Anchor firmly grounded and hold on to the promises and hope that are yours. I know how hard it is, and how tired you get of having to be strong in the midst of "everything". Me, too. The other night, I was wishing I could just curl up and lean on my husband for a little while. Then, I started to realize that God is my Husband now, and He wants me to pull close and lean on Him! I imagined myself doing just that and I was able to fall asleep in peace. I pray you will experience Him now, in this place, too! You are an inspiration to me, Leah! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable about this journey you are on!
Hey,
'Just stopped by to catch up on your posts. the missing and the grieving is just TOUGH. I know.
Some days the best I can do is "just show up."
'Looks like you're doing the same.
Oh hard it is for us to practice thankfulness amidst grief, loss, pain. I understand that completely. I've realized how quickly our focus can shift from being thankful and praising God for the good even in the bad (I'm learning this as I do my 1000 gifts).
Love you sweet one. Proud of you for practicing thankfulness in spite of the pain.
{I meant to say Oh how* hard it is….!}