February 14 (a Guest Post by Sheila Rye)

In case you didn’t read Sunday’s post, I’m doing something a little different this week. In honor of Valentine’s Week, I’ve chosen to host a series of guest posts from some widow friends of mine. Each of these lovely gals will be sharing about their Valentine that now lives in Heaven. Yesterday, I was thrilled to introduce you to Candy, who shared about her precious Valentine, Bob. Today, I’m equally honored to introduce you to another new widow friend of mine, Sheila Rye. I met Sheila through another widow ministry that I write for monthly. Sheila has only been widowed for slightly over 3 months, and today happens to be her anniversary. So, this is a double bittersweet day for her. You can read more about Sheila in her personal blog our journey to a “new normal”. Today, please give Sheila a warm welcome and lots of Valentine love, as this day is bound to be harder for her than most, as she remembers her sweet Valentine on what would have been their 20th wedding anniversary. And now…here’s Sheila…

Sweet Leah has invited me to share about my “Valentine” during her tribute to our “Valentines” this week, and I am so honored to be here! For me to share what’s on my heart about my Valentine cannot be “condensed” into a blog post, yet, I will attempt here to give some HIGHLIGHTS about my BEST FRIEND who is now enjoying all the glories of Heaven . . . just waiting for me when it’s my turn. My wish is that even in Rick’s death, I can bring GLORY TO GOD!

February 14, 1992 . . . The day that my “fairy tale” became my “real life”!  On that day, in my brother-in-law & sister-in-law’s living room in Marietta, Georgia, I married my best friend! As the years went on, we both agreed that a Valentine’s Day Wedding WAS in reality a little bit corny, but at the time, it seemed like a GREAT idea! Besides being romantic, it was one less holiday for Rick to have to remember – he could cover two in one day – a win-win for him! Each year when my birthday or Christmas rolled around, I reminded him that he really had been given a 365 day warning of the event, yet it ALWAYS seemed to “sneak up” on him!

Rick brought 2 wonderful kids into our marriage and we went on to have 3 beautiful daughters together. Life as a step-mom wasn’t always easy, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of any of it. The 2 “big” kids, their spouses (Nick {son} & Ashley Marie and Ashley Beth {daughter} & Brian) and their children (my {gasp!} grandbabies-Presten, Daila, Maddie, Ty & Lila) are some of the best gifts I have ever been given! In addition to the 2 “bigs”, 3 “littles” were added to our family! In 1994 Tessa Joy was born, in 1997 Taya Jill came along and in 1999 Kajsa Jo surprised us! Each of them, along with their big brother & sister, added immeasurable joy to our marriage and our lives!

I remember Rick once telling me that my mom had pulled him aside to thank him. When I asked what she thanked him for, he said, “She thanked me for making you so happy”! When I look back on it, that is a huge compliment for a mother-in-law to give, yet it was so true. Rick made me HAPPY! Rick loved me UNCONDITIONALLY. After God, he loved me and the kids with a love that I never questioned. Close behind God and his family, were his love for ALL THINGS hunting and his GREEN BAY PACKERS!

Rick and I enjoyed a fairly quiet life together, both being involved in our church and in the lives of our children. We had dreams of someday taking our dream vacation to Alaska, and building a log home, but we were content to just be together, even if those “grand” dreams never came true!

Today, Valentine’s Day 2012, was to be a milestone. This would have been our 20^th Anniversary. I had a few ideas in mind how to surprise him for this special day . . .  maybe a nice dinner, and a night at a romantic hotel? I had even thought of mentioning to him renewing our wedding vows. Both sets of our parents have been married for 50+ years, but in this day and age, even 20 is an accomplishment. I can honestly say that as this milestone approached, I loved Rick even more than I did on the day we got married! Life wasn’t perfect. We had disagreements. I thought he hunted too much. He probably thought I shopped too much! He was patient. I am impatient! He was soft-spoken and gentle. I’m not!  But . . . we both loved the Packers! We both loved our kids! We both loved our friends! We both loved GOD! From the beginning, God was the CENTER of our lives. We had a song played at our wedding by Mickey & Becky Moore called “Love Song for Number Two”. It’s kind of a “ballad-y” (is THAT a word?!) song, but the message still rings true . . . “It’s not that I love you less than best ‘cause each day I love you more and more, but there can only be one First Place in my life and you know Who that’s for, My Lord”.

Rickey Roger Rye (yes that was his “real” name – which I had to explain to the doctor’s office, insurance companies and many others so many times!) was a kind and gentle man. He really did have a heart of gold! His former brother-in-law once said, “You could stand on Rick’s tongue and he wouldn’t get mad at you”! (This would end up being the same brother-in-law who “buried” Rick for us as he is the local funeral director). Because of this gentle, giving spirit, when Rick went and asked a friend about buying some bear bait (remember – he loved ALL THINGS hunting!), he was more than willing to barter for the bear bait. This friend had suffered a heart attack and would have trouble cutting firewood this fall and his home needed a new roof. Rick spent many Saturday mornings and some evenings cutting wood and re-roofing this home. Rick spent hours and hours on rooftops as he worked in the construction business his entire life – he walked like a cat on a roof – I shake standing on a chair to reach something from the top shelf! Yet, this day, this last day of that re-roofing job, something happened. The ladder shifted, Rick lost his balance . . .  and on November 5, 2011, I had to choose if I really believed that song played at my wedding and believed that GOD was my FIRST PLACE . . . On that day, I was visited by a policeman (who is a GOOD friend of our family) in my driveway telling me that “There’s been an accident.” My Pastor & wife were there with the Officer (that’s when I KNEW it wasn’t good), to bring us to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital (an almost 30 minute drive from home during which we made many frantic phone calls to family and friends), we were brought to an EMPTY room where a doctor and a nurse soon joined us. I will never forget the feelings of that moment, I feel them as I type this, 3 months later. When the doctor gently started with, “I’m sorry, Rickey didn’t make it” {GASP}, I will also never forget that my FIRST words to the girls (2 of them were with me) were, “Daddy is in Heaven”.  Yes, at that moment, I had to CHOOSE – did I believe it, was GOD my FIRST PLACE and could I trust Him even in this? My answer was a YES, and He has continued to carry us gently along this journey.

“Love”, “Affection”, “Sweetheart” . . . These and more are the “loving” words that I found when I looked up the word “Valentine” on Dictionary.com. These and more are the words I would use to describe Rick. These and SO MUCH more are the words I would use to describe the {almost} 20 years that I called Rick my husband. These and SO MUCH more are the words I would use to describe the BLESSING of a “fairy tale” love that I was blessed with when I married Rick.  These and SO MUCH more are the words that I MUST use to describe my LORD and SAVIOR!

As my 20 year anniversary to my BEST FRIEND arrives, without him by my side, I will be sad (more than I can adequately express in words). I will wish I could have had this special day to spend with him (oh, how I wish that). I will think of all of the “could-have-beens”. I will grieve my loss. BUT, there-in lies my HOPE! I will grieve MY loss. For my LOSS truly was Rick’s gain. As the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ and to die is GAIN”! I know that I grieve my loss on this day and every day. I also believe with all that is within me that Rick is more alive than ever today. He is already enjoying the glories of his Eternal Heavenly home and waiting there patiently (as always) until God calls me home too. Until that time, I will share of God’s goodness to us, His overwhelming love for the “widows” and “orphans”, so that maybe, just maybe ONE person will put their trust in the LORD and join Rick in Heaven when their days on earth are through!

I have been comforted by scripture so much during these past few months, and one passage that I have always loved is Psalm 139. I especially love the last part of verse 16: “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me.” God does NOT make mistakes. God has numbered my days (even before I was formed) and God numbered Rick’s days. HE KNEW that Rick would take his last earthly breath on November 5, 2011, so I MUST trust that even in this, God has a PLAN for me!

Psalm 139:1-6 & 13-16 ESV

1 – 6  O LORD, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

13 – 16  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;  my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,  when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.