Thursday nights typically finds me sitting in my GriefShare group. I began attending back in February, and I vividly remember the facilitator instructing us at the first session to just “stick it out” through the early weeks, because they would be the hardest. If we could just tough it out – we’d be so thankful during the later weeks.
Last week, I can honestly say I reached that point. The thankful point. The place where I’m so glad that I hung around, even though the weeks prior have been excrutiatingly painful to endure. Often, I walk into class full of smiles and walk out with no makeup left on my face due to all the shed tears. But, this week…I experienced a turning point.
The video session was about asking the “Why?” question. Oh boy…I knew I could relate to that one. I haven’t asked the why question so much about my husband’s death (except in the very beginning), but I have asked the question “why” about my life in general.
God, why has my life been so hard? Why can’t I just have my version of a “typical” family – consisting of a husband & a bunch of kids? Why have I had to experience hardship after hardship after hardship from my earliest memory until even now? Why am I surrounded by friends that have the type of families I dream about and yet I can never seem to attain it? Why, God…why?
Somewhere along this grief journey, I stopped asking why. At first, I think it was a choice made from the pit. In other words, I’ll just stop asking why, because it won’t matter anyway…this must just be my “lot” in life. Eventually, God pulled me gently out of the pit, and I realized that I didn’t need to ask why anymore, because I trust Him! Yes. I truly do trust Him. I don’t understand, but I trust that He knows best for me!
During last week’s GriefShare class and video session…I heard two very poignant statements that really resonated with me:
1) Focus on what we know to be true about God (the !) not the (?). Focus on the exclamations – those promises about Him that we can point to all throughout scripture that still apply to us today rather than on the questions – those things that we may never have answers to that might actually cripple us if we allow them.
2) Choosing hope is an act of rebellion! Think about that for a minute…choosing hope is an act of rebellion! It really is. It’s rebellious to the world’s “system” of values, and it’s definitely rebellious to the enemy’s plans for us. Satan wants us to curl up and die whenever we find ourselves in a “hopeless” situation. So, choosing hope – in spite of our circumstances – is like spitting in his face. I LOVE that!!! Choosing hope essentially means we’re choosing to TRUST that the God of the universe knows what’s best for us, regardless of how we may feel at the moment.
So, today I’m feeling a little rebellious…I’m choosing HOPE!
I was invited to attend a grief class in February, but I didn’t go. My turning point came where I began to feel healing when I opened my mom’s recipe box and I was awashed anew with memories of my childhood instead of the memories of her death. Then on the anniversary of her death I got my tattoo….choose joy & dream. Dream was her last words to me, but the choose joy was how I decided I was going to look at life. It really is up to me what I focus on, those chooses! I’m glad the classes are healing you.
Deborah – I love that…”choose joy & dream”! Your mom would be most proud, I’m sure! I love how God led you to healing with her recipes. What precious memories they must hold!
Love this encouragement, Leah!
Thank you Eileen, and thank YOU for your encouragement just by reading along! 🙂
“Hope is an act of rebellion” – What a very, very powerful statement! You gave me something to chew on this morning. Thank you.
Happy chewing Candy! 🙂 I’ve been “chewing” on that myself since last Thursday evening. It really stuck with me in a powerful way! 🙂
As you know I lost my husband in November, in December our Pastor did a sermon series on Hope for the Hopeless. I figured that I must have been the most hopeless person on the planet and sure enough every message in that series spoke directly to me (and I am sure to many other people too). I usually had tears streaming down my face during the worship songs before Pastor Chris even came out onto the stage. He said the best way to get your “hope” back is to minister to someone else that is hopeless and that is what I decided to do. God has blessed me so much and I have come so far in 4 months, not to say that I don’t still have hard days and battles with my grief but I am beginning to have more good days than bad. I am also spending more time remembering the great times I had with my husband instead of focusing on that last terrible afternoon. One of my dear friends told me to go to A Widow’s Might and read the message the very first day that you posted on there and you blessed and encouraged me that day and have continued to bless me ever since!! Thank you for allowing God to use your story to help me and many others as we travel our grief journey. Even though we haven’t met I love you as my special friend that was sent from the Father!!
Sue – You are making me tear up just reading that precious comment. I’m so thankful God is using this season of grief to show you His Hope! While we both may have known that true Hope for awhile, there’s something to be said about having to learn it all over again in this “setting”. You are such an encourager. Steve would be so very proud of you! Love you friend!
I LOVE it, and I agree with Sue, I too feel that you were a friend sent from Heaven (as were several others I have “met” online lately!)! Keep it up girl! ♥
Sheila – you are a precious gal and a precious new friend! So thankful for you! 🙂