I had a text conversation with another widow friend of mine the other day. To summarize, she was stunned and a bit shaken by the fact that the 7-month anniversary of her husband’s death had passed approximately a week prior, and she never even thought of it at the time.
I smiled when I read it. For me, it was evidence of healing. Maybe only the beginning but healing nonetheless. To my friend, however, it was rather alarming when she realized it. Again…I smiled.
Through my own grief journey, I’ve learned how to pick up on some of the tricks of the enemy. Satan doesn’t want us well. He wants us to dwell in a pit for as long as we can, rendering us ineffective for Kingdom work. This time I smiled, because I was onto his sly little tricks, and I shared that with my friend as well. However, her joy was still absent. She prayed that God would show her what a gift it was in “not remembering” – giving her a new perspective on her journey. That became my prayer too.
Healing comes in various ways in the life of a widow. And, sadly, to some it never comes. I haven’t been on this journey for as long as many other women, but I have discovered a few things in the lives of many widows that God’s allow me to intersect with along this path:
1) Healing generally comes to those that want it. That doesn’t take away from the fact that often-times, healing can be a lifelong process, because grieving over a spouse can be a lifelong process. However, levels of healing can take root, allowing those left behind to move forward on this life journey.
2) Healing tends to come more quickly to those that stay grounded in God’s Word and in prayer. As hard as that is to do when in deep grief, for me it was paramount in my own journey. I have no doubt I wouldn’t be where I am today without staying deeply connected with Abba.
3) Healing is often met sooner by widows with a strong support system. Sadly, I’ve discovered this is an area severely lacking – especially in the church body. Why is that? Is it our selfish natures that keep our focus on ourselves and those things that make us happy rather than on the hurting people around us?
Now before you go sending me comments saying this list is incomplete, and you are the exception to the above. Please know…I already know that. I know that there are widows that crave healing, that have remained grounded in prayer and in the Word and do have a strong support network but still haven’t found healing. All I’m trying to say is that the above seems to be some of the commonalities I’ve noticed.
Additionally, there is no “time rule” for healing to follow. It comes at various times and in various degrees for each of us. For some, it may come in stages…a little at a time…and take years to get to a place where healing feels complete. For others, it may come suddenly (like it did for me in late January). While I say “suddenly”, I’m not sure that it was sudden, I just noticed it suddenly. I think it was probably more of a gradual process as well. Regardless…each person is different, each situation is different. And, while grief can’t be put into a neat little box for all to follow a particular course, neither can healing.
For my widow friends and readers – do not let your heart become faint in waiting on your Healer. He longs for you to be well again. Call out to Him…stay grounded in His truths. Do not listen to the lies of the enemy. And…know that I continue to pray for you…as you are near and dear to my heart!
For my non-widow friends and readers – I beg you to come alongside a grieving widow in support of her today. Everybody can do something…a card, lunch, a hug, cry with her, offer her a new book to read, pray with/for her…anything to let her know you genuinely care. This simple touch of love is a deep gesture to God’s grieving daughters.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” ~2 Corinthians 1:3,4
Beautifully put… :~)
Thank you Carrie! You are always such a source of encouragement to me! 🙂
Leah,
I’m so happy for you, to have found a new love. I pray God’s best for all of you.
As I was looking over your pictures, I think I’ve read some of your writing at another time, but I don’t remember when or where, but you have a wonderful writing voice.
Blessings,
Wanda
Thank you so much Wanda! That’s very sweet of you and brought a smile to my face. 🙂 Be blessed!
Leah . . . I was re-reading your blog tonight and this post really hit on some huge truths that I wish we could shout to the world. One of the MOST IMPORTANT I believe is that of having a STRONG support system! I have for the most part had an amazing support system, but you know that at times, I have shared with you that it was lacking. I’m SO THANKFUL that you were my new friend, just 6 months ahead of me on this journey of “widow-hood” for you always had such good insight. Because of you, I became braver. Brave enough to speak out to those who had hurt me and let me down. Brave enough to know that as in ALL other things, God would go before me in trying to “educate” others in “what to do with me”! And through it all, I have come away much STRONGER, more capable of making decisions by myself and for myself (not without TONS of prayer and guidance from the LORD, but “by myself” in that my spouse isn’t here to join in the decision making process). I have re-financed my home, left my job of 6 years and taken an new one, bought a vehicle and cultivated some of the most amazing friendships that I have ever had the opportunity of having . . . . I’ve gotten rid of wasps nests, started bonfires, called a plumber, and cleaned my garage & basement (to name a few!). God used your own tragedy to BLESS me and my prayer is that I can now bless others in the same way! ♥ I am so happy for you sweet girl! 🙂