I Didn’t See It Coming

We’ve been planning, fundraising, shopping, packing, and getting very excited about Anna’s first international mission trip to Guatemala. This has been in the works since last fall, and ever since I first learned of her desire and calling to go…I’ve been overjoyed for her.

You see…I, too, have the “fever” for mission work. Mine started long before my trip to Africa in 2010, but it was definitely solidified there. I’m sensing God’s given Anna that “fever” as well. Actually, she came to me a little over a year ago and acknowledged that she felt God might be calling her to full time mission work someday. Naturally, I was excited, proud, and also a bit apprehensive. Not apprehensive in the sense that God would/could do something like that, but a little hesitation resulted over the fact that as of that time, Anna had yet to experience her first mission trip (domestic or international). And yet…she sensed a calling already welling up in her spirit.

I’ve also prayed that God would make clear His plans for Anna while on this side of Heaven. And…regardless of what He calls her to do…I will be supportive.

Even if that means she lives far from me in another country in extreme poverty?

Even if that means I may not get to watch my grandchildren grow up as closely to me as I would prefer?

Even if that means that she lives in a dangerous situation day in and day out in her calling?

Even if that means I seldom get to see her?

Yes. I have to say yes.

It’s not that I desire for Anna to be far from me and to be called into a potentially dangerous lifestyle. But, I DO desire her to be in the center of God’s will…whatever that means.

Anna experienced her first domestic mission trip to Atlanta, GA over this past Spring Break! She loved it…was changed by it…and, continued to believe God’s call on her life. I’ve encouraged her all along the way. We’ve talked about ways that mission work will be tough, grueling at times. She’ll need to be prepared physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, and of course – spiritually! After each of our conversations…she’s more determined, more excited and more convinced than ever before.

Bottom line…God will make this clear to her and to me and to others praying for her in His timing. But, I do believe this Guatemala trip is the first of many where she gets to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those she is most compassionate about – the “least of these”.

Up until yesterday, I’ve been so excited and ready to “see her off”, so to speak. I’ve had not one bit of hesitancy, fear, or nervousness in her going on this trip. But something happened yesterday morning that I truly didn’t see coming.

I had to have her at the church at 5:30 am to load the bus to take her to the Charlotte airport. Along with the other parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and friends in attendance…I joined in the hug fest and waved proudly as the bus pulled off the parking lot. While walking back to my car, I felt this lump forming in my throat. What in the world? Where is this coming from? I no sooner closed my car door before the tears started flowing. I sobbed my way back home.

I was completely blindsided by this unexpected cry fest. I thought I was prepared for this. And yet…I couldn’t stop crying. I think the tears were, in part…

tears of joy…my baby was going on her first international mission trip

tears of exhaustion…a lot of time, effort, and money has gone into making this trip possible, and it finally came to a head

tears of worry…not over Anna traveling to Guatemala but over the fact that I only have 3 more years left with her before college

tears of loneliness…for the first time since Chris’ death, this will be the longest length of time that I’ll spend alone, and the loneliness set in the moment the bus drove away

tears of ???…yes, I also believe there were simply some unexplained tears there as well

And, so the day began with me being a complete emotional wreck. What did I do then? The only thing I knew to do…I crawled up into Abba’s lap (so to speak) and cried out to Him in prayer, I sobbed as I studied His Word and I let Him comfort me.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it until my last breath…He’s the only TRUE Comforter we have friends. Whether you need comfort after an emotional morning of sending off a teenager on her first international mission trip or after losing a spouse to suicide or following a painful divorce or after burying a child following a bitter battle with cancer or after receiving your own cancer diagnosis or after learning your job is ending. God is not only the best Comforter…He is the ONLY Comforter that can comfort completely! He’ll often use others as part of the way He comforts us, but sometimes He wants to do it all by Himself! And He can…

Do you trust Him to do that for you?