Exhausted

I’ve hit a point. You know the one. The place where you have an immense to-do list – can’t see a time where you’ll be “bored” anytime soon. And yet…you just can’t move forward…you’re exhausted!!! Perhaps it’s a physical exhaustion or more of a mental fatigue. Either way, without rest in the foreseeable future, you know that things are about to get ugly for you (and those around you).

That’s where I’m at.

I’m just plain tired. I’ve been going so hard for so long (no…I’m not looking for sympathy…just keeping it real) that I feel like I’ve been backed in a corner with no room to move. The calls of life have been so vocal that I’ve tried to answer. Really I have, but it’s only caused me to sink further and further into that hole of exhaustion.

Perhaps I’m just the only one. However…I think not.

It’s the simple things…

• Meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking
• Cleaning house, laundry (or lack thereof)
• Bill paying
• Blogging
• Time with husband
• Time with kiddos
• Time with friends
• Time with Jesus
• “Me” time
• Physical activity
• Work

Most everything on the list is reasonable and necessary. And…I’m thankful I live in a place where I’m physically capable of doing these things…I really am.

I know, first-hand, what it’s like to be in another part of the world where there are no grocery stores to shop at, and there are no bills to pay, because they don’t have anything to begin with. Their houses don’t have indoor plumbing, so toilet cleaning is not an issue. Oh. I am so blessed, and I know it! But, I still struggle…

• With trying to be “perfect” at everything (hence, I waste more time)
• With trying to divide me between everyone (only God can do that)
• With trying to stay physically fit (and yet allowing my body to deteriorate in other areas due to not enough sleep)
• With trying to be take time to rejuvenate my spirit by setting aside moments to do those things I enjoy – crafting, scrapbooking, bubble baths, reading, etc. (and then I feel guilty for taking “me” time)

Oh. What’s a girl to do? I could continue to whine. Where does that lead me?

I know the answer. I’ve known it for a long time. It’s simple really, or at least it should be. As a follower of Christ, I have the answer right in front of me. It’s a promise from God actually.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~Matthew 11:28

The R word. Rest. Oh – how I crave it! So, why don’t I listen? Go to Him…He’ll give me rest. Sounds so simple, but why is it so hard?

I think for me, it’s a pride thing combined with a lack of trust. How’s that for a little transparency? The lack of trust comes in the fact that I’m obviously not trusting God enough to take care of my burdens; to just place them in His lap. I keep wanting to hold onto them for some reason. Could be a control thing. Could be I’m not trusting Him to actually do it. Maybe I think I’m the only one that can handle it (pride!). Even though, I KNOW that’s not true, but it’s certainly how I act most of the time.

Why?

He’s come through in every other area of my life. Every. Single. One. What makes this any different?

So, it’s time for some change. Time for me to start exercising what I know to be true about God. It’s time to lay it all before His throne, asking Him to take ownership of all of it. And…I mean all of it.

Father God, I’m asking You to order my days. Will you prioritize all of those “things” in life that I can’t seem to manage without you? Will you help me to be a better wife, mother, friend, employee, child of Yours? Will you show me what my days should look like? How can I glorify you in each day? Will you pull the weeds in my life that are choking me and allow me to walk only in the garden that You’ve planted for me…the weed-free garden? Will you help me to not get distracted by those things that you’ve never asked me to pay attention to? Will you line up the desires of my heart with Your plans for me? Lord, please help me to look more and more like You! In the precious name of my Savior, Jesus, I pray… Amen!