Please Don’t Ask Me to Serve THERE!

I’m not a picky eater. I’m sure that comes as a shock to many of you. (Can you just hear the sarcasm?)

Actually, I’m quite proud of the fact that I can go just about anywhere and eat anything without much of a problem. It certainly simplifies things at times. There are foods I’m not crazy about, but I can eat them if I’m in an environment where that might be needed…a special dinner where I don’t want to offend the hosts…on an international mission trip…when I have nothing else to choose from…you get the idea. So, while I’m not a picky eater, I can eat just about anything…except for one thing.

Applesauce.

Yes – you read that right.

I can’t stand applesauce! I like apples, apple cider, apple cake, apple butter, etc. But…applesauce…I just can’t do it. I think it’s a texture thing. It literally makes me gag.

I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I’ve tried to eat it all sorts of ways at different times in my life (because tastes can change), but I just can’t make myself eat it. One grain of that stuff gives me chills. I’ve had friends say, “You just haven’t tried my Grandma’s homemade cinnamon applesauce or Aunt Sally’s award-winning recipe.” Ummm…yes I have. I’ve made attempts at all that homemade stuff too…trust me with this one. Please don’t ask me to eat applesauce. I’d rather starve.

Much like the applesauce aversion, I made a “deal” with God many years ago when it comes to where He might have me serve in ministry.

I told God (shamefully, yes, I told Him) that I would serve anywhere He wanted me to except for one place…prison ministry. I begged with Him and pleaded my case (quite well if I do say so myself). I was (and still am) willing to go to the ends of the earth and back doing whatever He might ask of me.

But, I prayed, “Please, God…just don’t ask me to serve in prison ministry. I just can’t go there.”

That was my mistake…I told God “I can’t.” I basically uttered my own lack of faith in His ability to do anything He chooses to do through me. Of course I can’t! Honestly, I can’t do anything for God in my own power…it’s His power and His strength that allows this messed up, sinful woman of God to be of any use to Him. That, alone, is quite humbling.

And yet…I still don’t want to serve in prison ministry.

My disdain with this type of kingdom work began when I was 14-years-old. While I choose not to explain the details in this post (it’s something I prefer to share when I speak in person at events), I will say that I was subjected to sitting in a prison courtyard every single weekend of the summer following my 8th grade year in school. I had a family member that volunteered in prison ministry, and it had gone way too far and was now being called “ministry” when only selfish motives were evident.

I couldn’t stand the fact that my summer weekends (because those were the only “visiting days” offered) were taking up with my family making an hour-long trek to this maximum security prison for men. I tried to make the best of it. I tried to be cordial to the inmates, but in all actuality, I was scared – confused – and downright angry to have to even be there.

Fast forward many years later, I became a grown woman willing to serve God in any capacity but this one.

Needless to say, when I started feeling the nudge to do the very thing I said I’d never do…I cried. Yes, this grown woman cried over feeling the tug in my heart to serve in prison ministry.

I think the nudges began a little over a year ago, but they were solidified earlier this year. Then, through a series of events only God could orchestrate, I was gently exposed to a little ministry of this type through my own full-time job. For the purpose of brevity, I’ll just wrap it up by saying one thing led to another, and just this week I attended the volunteer orientation at our local women’s prison.

Can you believe it????

I said YES to serving as a volunteer within this prison. I said YES to serving with my church in the ministry they provide each week at this prison. And ultimately, I said YES to God, ultimately giving Him praise for healing my fractured heart in this area.

Only God, my friends. Only God…