It’s a Process

I love to scrapbook! I consider myself pretty crafty, in general, but there’s something about scrapbooking that puts it near the top of my fun things to do. I love how it combines my passion for photography, crafting, coordinating colors, and memory making! However, there’s one thing about scrapbooking that I don’t like…GETTING STARTED!

I don’t know why, but I struggle to actually start a new scrapbooking project. I’ll sit and ponder various ideas about how many pages I might need, which pictures need to be included, what the cover page might look like, and the list goes on endlessly. I generally end up at the point that I finally have to stop all the processing and planning and just…get…started. And…without fail…once I get started, I’m usually very productive, and the project ends up getting finished.

It’s a process.

I remember when I was early in my widowhood journey. I wanted the days to fly by. I couldn’t wait to go to bed at night so I could just go to sleep and not have to think for awhile. Thinking was hard in those earliest of days. Thinking always took me back to him and all the “why” questions still whirling around me.

All-too-often, friends (most of whom had never walked in similar shoes) told me that one day I would feel alive again. In my heart I believed them, but my head refused to let me go there just yet. It seemed too far away. I wanted to be already through that tunnel, but I wasn’t even in the middle where the light at the end would start shining.

The day came though. It took me by surprise actually. The light shone…brighter and brighter. I was gaining speed, and I was moving closer and closer to it until I finally felt it. The warmth of healing settled over me. The pain…certainly not gone forever…but, the ability to live, truly live, arrived once again.

It’s a process.

My recent journey…on the road to health and wellness…has seemed long and very curvy. I experienced about three months of incredible highs this fall only to be followed by one (what I thought to be) little choice to enjoy Thanksgiving (the food part of it, that is). I was getting so close to that first big goal of mine. What would one day off plan really hurt? Honestly? Nothing…if it had just remained one day. Instead, it turned into the week of Thanksgiving, then the Christmas season full of food fiestas followed by the actual Christmas Day meal(s).

Well, if I had given up for that long, what’s a few more days to finish out the year?

January arrived. I was still venturing widely off that road to health and wellness. I knew my birthday was around the corner, yet somehow I would stay on course until then. I had already proven at Thanksgiving, however, I couldn’t pause for just one day. Oh…the self-defeating thoughts flooded my mind.

The birthday and “fun” food came and went. The pounds came back too. Not entirely from an autumn of hard work…but enough to notice. Oh, what happened to me? Disappointment overwhelmed me. I wasn’t done. I would start again. And, I did. I had many “day 1” re-starts.

Just one more cookie, and I’ll get back on track.

Just one more dinner out, and I’ll cook my healthy meal tomorrow.

Just one more…

Even so…I refuse to quit. I refuse to throw in the towel. God is with me on this journey, and He’s not giving up on me yet. I just have to remind myself of that over and over and over. That and the fact that…

It’s a process.