One of the many things our adoption journey includes is LOTS of education. Sometimes this comes in the form of online virtual classrooms, books to read, videos to watch, workbooks to complete, and essays to write. The goal? To make sure we’re as educated as possible before we bring our kiddos home! However, sometimes I feel the goal with the education is to highlight the worst-case scenarios and scare us half to death…you know…”just in case”.
For me…it hasn’t scared me…it’s only made me that much more determined to get to my children as soon as possible.
Going into this, Joel and I knew (beyond all doubt) this was God’s calling for us. We know the risks (even more now with the education component behind us). We know what we could face. And…we know God has hand-picked the children He wants us to parent and has equipped us to do so. This wasn’t a decision we took lightly.
Not a fly by the seat of our pants whim.
Not an attempt to portray ourselves as rescuers.
Not just a desire to make ourselves feel younger by taking on young children again.
This was a decision bathed in prayer…and tears (if truth be told). And, as we’ve discovered going through the process…it takes a lot more strength and endurance to travel this journey than we possess.
For me, I find I need strength in two main areas: (1) patience while waiting on provision, and (2) trusting God to care for our children while they are still living in dire situations in their orphanages. If I may be a little transparent, these are the two areas I seem to be the weakest in right now.
Provision…ahhh…provision. We knew this would be a BIG part of the journey. Most families don’t have this kind of money sitting around in a bank account ready to spend on adopting (I know that many others do, but they are often typically not the ones on the adopting side of this journey). So, when God called us to this…I chuckled…much like Sarah chuckled when God told her she would be with child at her ripe old age. What made me laugh? Did I doubt God’s ability to provide? Not. At. All. I’ve seen God provide over and over and over again in life whatever was needed (not necessarily my wants but ALWAYS my needs). Adoption is His calling on our lives, so I do trust Him to provide EVERYTHING we need to make it come to pass. I chuckled, because I knew this would involved stretching me in areas that I don’t like being stretched. I can’t stand asking people for money. And…essentially…that’s what we have to do…all the time. It might be in the form of a direct ask, or perhaps to shop our yard sale, maybe to buy raffle tickets, come to a fundraiser meal, buy some Pampered Chef products, or pick an envelope number, etc. We’ve tried to provide avenues that even the lowest income families would have a way to still support us in the journey. If I knew I’d get a yes every single time, it would be much easier, but the fear of rejection cripples me a bit on this one. So…God is stretching me. He’s also reminding me that as long as I’m following His lead in who to ask and what fundraisers to do…then if rejection comes, they aren’t rejecting us…it’s Him they are rejecting. It. Still. Hurts. But, He can fix my hurt too!
Trust…Oh – this is a big one. As I mentioned before, Joel and I have had the (unfortunate) privilege of experiencing loss and disappointment far too often in our lives. While, we’ve seen the hand of God work in astounding ways, thereby knowing we can trust Him with ANYTHING, we also have felt the unsettling effects of fear creep into our lives when we least expect it. For me, I know we have a couple of kiddos living in an orphanage in a small country in Eastern Europe. Are they being loved or simply tossed about as another number? Are they being beaten or denied food? Are they being treated well or being treated inhumanely? What are their little eyes having to see and their little ears listening to? Do they believe they have a new mommy and daddy coming for them one day? Do they miss their first mommy and daddy? Do they even know they existed? Are they scared? Are they getting enough to eat? Who is caring for them when they catch a cold? Ahhh…the endless questions.
These are many of the questions that penetrate my mind when I allow myself to think too long about it! Makes me want to SCREAM!!!!! I have to TRUST Him to care for our babies. He loves them more than we do.
Father God – be their mommy and their daddy until You unite us together. Prepare them to receive us with open arms. Prepare ALL of our hearts to love each other fully! And…Abba…please plant urgency in the hearts of those you’ve called to financially and prayerfully join us on this journey!
But I will protect the orphans who remain among you. Your widows, too, can depend on me for help. ~Jeremiah 49:11 (NLT)
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