I’ve always referred to this place, my blog, as my little oasis in the desert wanderings of life. Historically, I’ve been able to come here and find refreshment as I pour out my thoughts through the keyboard of hydration. Without a doubt, after I perform a word dump (write a post), I’m renewed and ready to venture back out into the desert. I know I can always return here, to my oasis, to refresh my weary soul. That is, unless I become lost in the desert.
Lately, I’ve been a lost desert wanderer. Unlike the Israelites from thousands of years of ago, God thankfully hasn’t allowed me to wander for forty years. Although, some days feel like years. He knew this season was coming, and He allowed me to walk through it. I’m still in that season, the one that provides opportunities to question everything in my life leading up until now. The one that produces many episodes of ugly crying. The one that feels as if it’s going to be my lot for the rest of my life. The one in which I hardly recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. Due to being “lost” in this desert of life, I’ve struggled to find any oasis, especially this one. The words simply haven’t been able to come out. In part, I think that’s all been part of God’s plan all along. Allow me to elaborate.
I’ve always used this space to not only express some of the most vulnerable places of my heart for all the world to see, but I’ve also attempted to use it to encourage others, to provide hope, and to help others see they are not alone in the struggles we face this side of eternity. That said, I truly believe God didn’t allow me to write for the last nine months, because I was not in a place to provide that encouragement or hope. In truth, I was drowning in a sea of despair, and I had to find personal healing and restoration first. Am I completely healed? Am I completely restored? Yes and no. According to what I know from God’s Word, I believe I am both of those things, but I don’t always feel it. So, I’m choosing to walk in the truth of the biblical principles I cling to each day, whether I feel it or not. Thankfully, I have a lifetime of experiencing God’s amazing grace and mercy, therefore I know my feelings don’t define the facts. They are just that. Feelings.
Feelings aside, I long to express myself through words. In short, I love to write. I’ve always been a bit of a word geek. I deeply desire to return to this oasis more consistently in the coming days, weeks, and months. What will that look like? I have no idea at this point. I’m certainly not at the place I’m willing to publicly make a promise I can’t keep. However, I see the tides turning. I see God doing a new thing in me, and I deeply want to bring you along on that journey, as He allows.
I’ve been blogging for more than a decade. In regards to this particular site, this year is the 10-year anniversary of Out of Deep Waters. Many of you have been with me from the beginning, and some of you have just discovered OoDW. Without a doubt, I’m thankful for each and every individual who takes the time to read the words this ordinary gal chooses to share. It’s quite humbling actually. I’ve always had so many big dreams for this oasis, but personal choices and life (in general) have prevented most of those dreams from transpiring…at least for now. Even so, I press on. I look forward to what lies ahead. I’m so thankful to no longer be a lost desert wanderer.
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Leah, I think as widows we all go through those desert times. At least I know that I have and do. I don’t understand why God singled me out for “this assignment”, but I have to believe that it did not take Him by surprise. I say many times that I have to trust God to get me through whatever I encounter each and every day. My mom used to tell me, “God has taken me this far and He has never failed me yet”. Those words echo in my mind when I most need them,
It is so good to hear from you. I haven’t written anything in my blog for a very long time. I’m so thankful that God promised us that He will NEVER EVER leave us or forsake us, I cling tightly to that,
Candy, thank you so much for your encouraging words! Your mom was a wise woman! I keep reminding myself that as long as I’m on this earth, His purpose for me has yet to be completed. I press on. God bless you sister!
Leah,
I am so glad you are blogging once again! I am looking forward to reading more of your posts…
Thank you sweet lady! It feels so good to be back at it!
Leah, you are speaking my own words here. After John’s death I felt I had faced the worst thing I could face, but then 1-1/2 years later I watched in shock as my son, who had served In Israel as a Missionary and was a strong Christian with a sweet little family, walk away from everything, leaving us all devastated. That was Jan 2010. I was in the middle of writing in my journal and stopped mid-paragraph and have never journaled since that day. Over these last 10 years, God has seen fit to bring one loss and sorrow across my path culminating in 2018 as my beloved granddaughter took her life (she was the daughter of my son who had walked away). From 2018 until just this summer, I have been in that desert, though continuing to carry on with life, teaching the Bible, discipline women, and all of the things I love to do, but no longer with the passion I once had. This summer I started writing again—calling it Journey of my Summer of 2021, and through writing I have been able to have all of this pain put down on paper and out of the turmoil in my mind. I too have begun to see the tides turning and God doing a new thing. I have followed your FB posts and wept alongside you, as those who suffer know and understand the depth of that suffering and feel it all as though it were happening to you. Thanks for being vulnerable and allowing others in. As my publisher said when I wrote my book, “Thanks for not wasting your pain.” God never wastes anything. I will wait to see what He plans to redeem out of yours, and mine.
Oh sister! You have, indeed, experienced so much pain, disappointment, and heartache. I’m so thankful God has led you to start writing again. As hard as it is, I find it to be so therapeutic. I also have had a dear family member walk away from the faith after serving as a missionary overseas. It’s so heartbreaking! And…as you know…I’m all too familiar with the beast of suicide, something I had little exposure to prior to experiencing it firsthand. I feel I’ve been led through the refiner’s fire far more than I would like, but clearly God still has work to do in me and through me. God bless you for your obedience to His calling!