Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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Help My Unbelief!

February 5, 2011 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

“For the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.” Psalm 33:4-5

These were the words that greeted me this morning. I subscribe to BibleGateway.com’s verse of the day, and this was the selection for today. This wasn’t coincidence. This wasn’t happenstance. This was God’s little (actually big) promise of love for me today. Yesterday was hard (see that post for more information). Monday might be even harder. But the nuggets of truth about Jehovah in this Psalm speak loudly to those with a listening hear.

He is right.
He is true.
He is faithful.
He loves righteousness.
He loves justice.
His unfailing love fills this earth.

God never has been unjust to any of His creatures, and He never will be. Regardless of the outcome of this current trial, God is still God. He is still right, true, faithful, righteous, just, and full of love. He is still amazingly great and worthy of ALL praise! There is nothing too difficult for God. If He wants my husband to stay where He’s at…He will make sure that happens. If He’s calling Him somewhere else, then we’ll trust Him in that too. I have no answers beyond today. I would be lying to say I’m not somewhat fearful, but I know that there is no fear in love, and God’s love is complete! So – that is what I choose to cling to – His complete love!

God, I believe! Help my unbelief!

(Thank you, friends, for your precious comments, Facebook messages, and emails. They mean more to me than I can express. You are loved!)

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I Do Not Understand

February 5, 2011 by Leah Stirewalt 6 Comments

Warning…this isn’t pretty…just real.

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t even really know what to say. Our little world is being rattled once again. This time…a potential job loss on the horizon. We got word today that my husband might be losing his job on Monday. It literally sickens me to type those words. Now – don’t get me wrong. I know lots of men and women that are losing jobs right now. This, sadly, is not uncommon during these tough economic times. However, what grieves me over this particular issue is that it has nothing to do with job performance. It has nothing to do with downsizing. It has nothing to do with job elimination. Simply put, one of the employees my husband works alongside made some poor business decisions. My husband was caught in the crossfire of these poor decisions, and now he may lose his job over it. His integrity is being questioned. His ethics are being questioned. And…it’s all a lie from the father of lies. My heart aches for my husband right now, because those that know him best know – beyond all doubt – that he is one of the hardest working, loyal, men of integrity I’ve ever known. To be in this “hot seat” that he’s found himself in seems like a very bad dream right now. Simply unbelievable. And, my heart wants to scream, “This is not fair, God!”.

My heart wants to scream those words, but I won’t let it.

God is always fair and just. God’s plans are not always our plans. God knows us better than we know ourselves. And…honestly…was it fair that His own Son had to die a painful death over 2000 years ago for my wicked sins? Who am I to scream the word “unfair”?

I don’t understand why we may be facing the darkest thing we’ve ever faced in our marriage. I don’t understand why, when life is already difficult on many levels right now, that we might be thrown this wrench too. I simply don’t understand. But, this I know…as it is written…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

As it is written…

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

It’s not for me to understand. Simply put, I choose to trust Him, praise Him, acknowledge Him in all things, thank Him, honor Him, and most assuredly love Him.

We welcome your prayers. We’re obviously praying for his job to be saved. Ultimately, we want to walk in line with God’s perfect will for us…whatever the cost.

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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