Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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Six Months Home

May 26, 2016 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

As of this past Saturday, May 21, our Bulgarian children have been on U.S. soil for six months! In some respects, it’s hard to believe it’s already been six months, but in other respects, it feels like they’ve been with us from the beginning. We’re still figuring each other out. We still have so much to learn about parenting children from hard places, and they still have so much to learn about being parented. Six months hardly touches on any of that, but take a look at just a few of the accomplishments so far:

  • Six months ago, they spoke no English. Today, they speak no Bulgarian. Yes…I’m serious! I hardly believe it myself, but it’s true. There are a couple Bulgarian words we simply like and still use (long story there), but other than those 2-3 words, it’s all English. Their vocabulary is still growing, but their use of slang is also growing…kind of funny to hear. We were told they would learn English quickly…but WOW! Josiah has not only learned to speak English, but is also reading English!
  • Six months ago, they had few boundaries. Today, they have many boundaries, and they aren’t always excited about that. Some days we feel like it’s all rules…rules…rules, but we know that by setting up the safeguards now, there will be room for even more fun and enjoyment later. Our oldest doesn’t always understand why he can’t just watch any cartoon on TV. We’ve tried to explain that cartoons don’t always mean kid-friendly (or even appropriate for me to watch, for that matter), but that’s hard to grasp when he was able to watch the same shows in Bulgaria.
  • Six months ago, Katerina was considered a child with occasional ADD-type behavior, never had any formal schooling, and struggled to manage her emotional swings. Today, she’s about to finish Kindergarten, has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), has been evaluated by a team of professionals who are working to help us obtain the right therapies for her special needs disability, and she is THRIVING!
  • Six months ago, they woke up several times during the night or before the crack of dawn. They’d be “full on” ready to play whenever they got up, with no understanding of the time of day/night it might be. Today, they sleep solidly through the night, and Benjamin still takes a nap every afternoon.
  • Six months ago, they weren’t able to sit still long enough to be read to. Today, they love books and will sit through as many books as we’re willing to read at one time.
  • Six months ago, Benjamin would throw puzzle pieces all over the house, because he truly didn’t know how to work puzzles. The kiddos destroyed many toys initially, because they simply didn’t understand how to play. Today, Benjamin loves to work puzzles…the right way. Katerina is the best little mommy to her baby dolls, and Josiah builds Legos and K’nex structures until his heart’s content.
  • Six months ago, they had a very limited selection of food they would eat. However, we’ve always asked them to try at least one bite of everything we fix, and we are so pleased to see their taste buds explode with desire for new culinary delights. While I still consider them a bit picky, they’ve come a long way from where they were when they first got home.
  • Six months ago, they had no manners or social graces. Today, they say please and thank you most of the time. They are learning to say yes/no ma’am and sir. They ask to be excused from the table following a meal. They’ve learned to apologize for wrongdoing and will even hug siblings to help make up for their naughty behavior. They want to help mommy and daddy all over the house (except for cleaning their room…ha!). And, they are so stinkin’ sweet with their little foster brother, who adores them right back!

Now, everything is not perfect in paradise. We stay exhausted, and some days we wonder why God chose us to travel this hard road. But, then we look at those little olive-skinned munchkins with deep brown eyes and know it’s all worth it! They’ve come so far…and so have we.

The day they left their orphanage...forever.
11/12/15 – The day they left their orphanage…forever.
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5/8/16 – Mother’s Day!
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Five Years

May 3, 2016 by Leah Stirewalt Leave a Comment

FIVE YEARSJust like in 2011, May 3 is on a Tuesday this year. Upon that realization, I sighed.

It’s been five years ago today since my previous husband left his earthly home to go to his Heavenly home, a result of suicide. The anniversary of his death is always difficult for me. While I have “moved on” by most accounts, there are still certain triggers on a grief journey that pop up from time to time and cause a bit of an emotional cyclone. These last couple weeks have been that for me, and the culmination of those spiraling emotions is this very week.

In 2011…

Tuesday, May 3 – the last time I saw my husband I alive. The day he “disappeared” and ultimately took his life.

Wednesday, May 4 – the day his lifeless body was found.

Saturday, May 7 – the day we celebrated his life with friends and family.

Sunday, May 8 (also Mother’s Day) – the day we buried him, because the cemetery wouldn’t accommodate us on May 7.

God has beautifully restored my life and brought blessing upon blessing upon blessing…no doubt! My life looks nothing today like it did five years ago. I stand amazed at all God has done to bring beauty from ashes. And yet…I still get a bit of a yucky feeling on this week every year. I still feel a knot in my chest as flashbacks from those days creep into my mind all over again. I still wonder…will this ever end this side of eternity? Whether it does or doesn’t is really not the point. Yet…I still wonder.

And then…there’s my prince. God brought Joel into my life so unexpectedly and yet so beautifully and perfectly! Joel accepted me, accepted “my story”, accepted my daughter as one of his own and lovingly supports me through those rare, but still there, emotionally difficult days. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to him. He is an absolute gem and a delight to my soul, and I’m SO VERY THANKFUL God blessed me with him!

My life looks so different now than it did five years ago. I was a grieving, single mother of one beautiful daughter. Now, I’m a joy-filled (still grieving, on occasion) blessed wife to my prince and mother/step-mother to NINE and Grandma Leah to two adorable munchkins! Only God could do that. Only God restores life like that. And…to Him be ALL the glory!

The days will soften soon. The momentary sadness will pass. Joy still exists even among brief episodes of pain. God is still restoring, and I am immensely thankful for this life He’s given me.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Psalm 23:3 (ESV)

 

 

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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