Blog - Leah Stirewalt

One of the many things our adoption journey includes is LOTS of education. Sometimes this comes in the form of online virtual classrooms, books to read, videos to watch, workbooks to complete, and essays to write. The goal? To make sure we’re as educated as possible before we bring our kiddos home! However, sometimes I feel the goal with the education is to highlight the worst-case scenarios and scare us half to death…you know…”just in case”.

For me…it hasn’t scared me…it’s only made me that much more determined to get to my children as soon as possible.

Going into this, Joel and I knew (beyond all doubt) this was God’s calling for us. We know the risks (even more now with the education component behind us). We know what we could face. And…we know God has hand-picked the children He wants us to parent and has equipped us to do so. This wasn’t a decision we took lightly.

Not a fly by the seat of our pants whim.

Not an attempt to portray ourselves as rescuers.

Not just a desire to make ourselves feel younger by taking on young children again.

This was a decision bathed in prayer…and tears (if truth be told). And, as we’ve discovered going through the process…it takes a lot more strength and endurance to travel this journey than we possess.

For me, I find I need strength in two main areas: (1) patience while waiting on provision, and (2) trusting God to care for our children while they are still living in dire situations in their orphanages. If I may be a little transparent, these are the two areas I seem to be the weakest in right now.

Provision…ahhh…provision. We knew this would be a BIG part of the journey. Most families don’t have this kind of money sitting around in a bank account ready to spend on adopting (I know that many others do, but they are often typically not the ones on the adopting side of this journey). So, when God called us to this…I chuckled…much like Sarah chuckled when God told her she would be with child at her ripe old age. What made me laugh? Did I doubt God’s ability to provide? Not. At. All. I’ve seen God provide over and over and over again in life whatever was needed (not necessarily my wants but ALWAYS my needs). Adoption is His calling on our lives, so I do trust Him to provide EVERYTHING we need to make it come to pass. I chuckled, because I knew this would involved stretching me in areas that I don’t like being stretched. I can’t stand asking people for money. And…essentially…that’s what we have to do…all the time. It might be in the form of a direct ask, or perhaps to shop our yard sale, maybe to buy raffle tickets, come to a fundraiser meal, buy some Pampered Chef products, or pick an envelope number, etc. We’ve tried to provide avenues that even the lowest income families would have a way to still support us in the journey. If I knew I’d get a yes every single time, it would be much easier, but the fear of rejection cripples me a bit on this one. So…God is stretching me. He’s also reminding me that as long as I’m following His lead in who to ask and what fundraisers to do…then if rejection comes, they aren’t rejecting us…it’s Him they are rejecting. It. Still. Hurts. But, He can fix my hurt too!

Trust…Oh – this is a big one. As I mentioned before, Joel and I have had the (unfortunate) privilege of experiencing loss and disappointment far too often in our lives. While, we’ve seen the hand of God work in astounding ways, thereby knowing we can trust Him with ANYTHING, we also have felt the unsettling effects of fear creep into our lives when we least expect it. For me, I know we have a couple of kiddos living in an orphanage in a small country in Eastern Europe. Are they being loved or simply tossed about as another number? Are they being beaten or denied food? Are they being treated well or being treated inhumanely? What are their little eyes having to see and their little ears listening to? Do they believe they have a new mommy and daddy coming for them one day? Do they miss their first mommy and daddy? Do they even know they existed? Are they scared? Are they getting enough to eat? Who is caring for them when they catch a cold? Ahhh…the endless questions.

These are many of the questions that penetrate my mind when I allow myself to think too long about it! Makes me want to SCREAM!!!!! I have to TRUST Him to care for our babies. He loves them more than we do.

Father God – be their mommy and their daddy until You unite us together. Prepare them to receive us with open arms. Prepare ALL of our hearts to love each other fully! And…Abba…please plant urgency in the hearts of those you’ve called to financially and prayerfully join us on this journey!

But I will protect the orphans who remain among you. Your widows, too, can depend on me for help. ~Jeremiah 49:11 (NLT)

Let me make this clear right from the start…NO, I’m not pregnant! What an announcement that would be though eh? Hee hee!

Actually, I wanted to bring you up to speed on the “goings-on” in my blog world (or lack thereof) it seems as of late. There’s a reason for that though…stick with me…

I’ve been praying and dreaming and talking to God for awhile about this Out of Deep Waters oasis. You see…it was a gift to me during my first year of widowhood, and it became quite a sanctuary, of sorts. I was able to share my innermost feelings as I journeyed openly and transparently along Grief Road.

It then became the place I shared the joy of God’s redemption and restoration in my life, as He united my path with Joel through marriage in 2012.

It’s also become a place where I share about those other things near and dear to my heart…orphans, missions, single moms, adoption, suicide, devotionals (in general). Occasionally, I’d throw in a DIY project or two and a giveaway and a 40-day consecutive blog journey. Over the years…it’s developed into…well, an inconsistent place of chaos, and that was NEVER my intent, and so it’s time to draw a line in the sand.

In my time with God and in talking with my husband and blogging friends, a new plan is evolving, and I want to go ahead and share it with you and give you a sneak peak.

There are three, distinct writing/blogging areas of my life:

Out of Deep Waters – Yep. This place. NO…it’s not going away. Not even close. I’m actually going to tighten things up here a bit. This will continue to be a place of devotion, ministry, life’s hard, life’s easy…but all through the lens of my walk with Christ. You’ll continue to see me write about grief, single parenting, adoption, suicide, orphans, devotionals, and anything else the Lord places upon my heart to write about.

I’m also working on compiling my writings from my Grief Journey (that definitive 12 months where I wrote very focused on widowhood…as I lived it) into a book format (and e-book format), as I continue to get more requests for that than anything else. It seems to me that maybe it’s a tool that could be helpful to other ladies walking a similar path. That’s still in the planning stages, but my initial goal is to have something more firm by late fall.

You can continue to book me for speaking engagements through this website, and I’m still open to customizing retreats and seminars for your group. See more HERE.

aNew Season Ministries – I’m also privileged to be one of the regular contributors for this fantastic ministry. It’s the umbrella ministry for A Widow’s Might (which I began writing for in November 2011). The ministry is growing by leaps and bounds, and God has placed such an anointing on what’s taking place over there. I’ll continue to be a small part of that ministry – through writing, participating in our upcoming conference, etc. Please continue to look for me there and send those special widow friends and your other girlfriends walking through a new season (post-addiction, post-divorce, remarriage following widowhood, etc.) over to aNew Season. They will be so blessed by this amazing group of women I am so thankful to minister alongside!

Lastly – for my new baby! Soaking in Life has been born! But we’re still in the “clean-the-baby-up” phase. It’s up and running, and there are a few posts there, but there is still SO much more to come in the next couple of weeks, as I flush out the details. Basically, this will be a different blogging platform for me. It’s because of the work that God has done in my life by rescuing me from those “deep waters” of pain, grief, abandonment, rejection, etc. that now allows me to live life fully, yet simply. That’s what Soaking in Life is all about. It’ll be the place I share those things in life I’ve discovered that really “crank my tractor” that I want to share with you…easy DIY projects, recipes, holiday decorating ideas, parenting tips, organization ideas, travel ideas, money-saving ideas and much more! Feel free to take a quick peek HERE to see what’s evolving but just know there’s so much more to come!

My prayer is that by firming up this plan of ministry (it’s ALL ministry)…it will create more organization in what God has called me to in the blogging world. Each piece of my life flows together, but different people connect at different points. And…some connect at zero points. That’s all okay! It’s all for His Glory anyway!

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ~Colossians 3:23 (NLT)

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