Blog - Leah Stirewalt

After yesterday’s heavier post topic, I needed something a little more light-hearted for today. This came to mind while I was eating with my family at our local Cracker Barrel, and I began laughing at my husband. No…not just randomly…this was well-deserved (at least I thought so).

Joel has this quirky little habit whenever we eat out that involves gathering all of the paper trash on the table and putting it in one pile. Specifically, if I take the paper off a straw (for example) and crumble it all up and lay it by my glass, he’ll come looking for it to put with his trash pile and anybody’s else’s on the table. Tonight, I had a corner of that straw paper wedged under my water glass, and he even spotted it and dug it out from there to add to his little trash pile. I started cracking up, and he smirked, because he knew EXACTLY why I was laughing. He might be a little O.C.D. in that area, but he’s not alone.

We all have them! Yes…even YOU. 🙂

I, too, have my quirky little habits (probably a lot more than my husband actually). And…being the list-maker that I am (yes…another quirky habit), I made a list of those personal oddities:

If I have more than one towel hanging on a towel rack, they need to be hanging evenly side-by-side. Can’t have one hanging lower or higher than the one beside it. (Yes…if you’re familiar with the old movie thriller, Sleeping With the Enemy, I’m like the psycho husband in this area.)
I can’t wash dishes in a sink full of dirty dishwater unless all of the food was rinsed off first. I don’t like food floating in my water (not even a little bit).
OK – this might be a little TMI (too much information), but I’m on a roll now. That said, I change underwear twice a day. Yes – lots of laundry in this area, but I like wearing a clean pair in the morning and again at night. Remember how your mother always told you when you were little to make sure you wear a clean pair of underwear each day, because you never know if you’ll be in a wreck. Well, let’s just say I’ve been very obedient in that area.
The seam of my socks has to be slightly on top of my toes. I can tolerate it on the edge of my toes but definitely NOT underneath my toes.
After turning on my computer at work, the first thing I do after I sit down at my desk is to grab my three pens (pink, green, and blue) and go ahead and open them up and line them up side-by-side on my notepad.
All my towels have to be folded in thirds and then thirds again with the rounded side facing out when stacked together in the linen closet.
I even have an “order” to my prayer time each morning.

Okay, now that I’ve totally made you think I’m some kind of a freak (I assure you I’m not), I’d love to hear some of your quirks! 🙂

Another change is taking place. No…I’m not talking about THE change ladies. This one is a little different.

I suddenly don’t like visiting the cemetery where my late husband is buried.

There, I admitted it. I noticed glimpses of this transition happening several months ago actually. After Chris died, I actually found solace at the cemetery and spent A LOT OF TIME there. Some would probably argue I spent way more time than was normal, but it felt good to me. I know he’s not there, but I guess those early months allowed me to feel a tad bit closer to him. And, truth be told, I felt closer to God there too (here’s a post from one of those times). There were also times where visiting the cemetery produced “nothing” in me…like THIS time. But, never had trips to Chris’ grave site produced feelings of uneasiness like it does now.

I last visited on the second anniversary of his death (in May). I made time to check on the flowers to make sure they didn’t need to be changed out with one of the other silk arrangements I have. My daughter went with me. We talked a little, laughed a little, and simply recollected times past. But, the entire time I was there, I felt out of place…totally uneasy…like I needed to get out of there as soon as possible

I know…this sounds strange…but, I also know many widows that have expressed to me they never had the desire to visit their husband’s grave even one time after the burial. They felt like that was closure enough, and they couldn’t move on in their grief if they had to do it from there. I understood that too. Everyone grieves differently.

I still didn’t see this coming. Even though I’m very happily remarried now, I still struggled with the thoughts of moving out of the area one day (even though I fully intend to), because I worried about what would become of Chris’ grave site. Who would keep the flowers looking fresh? And yet…I think in some subtle ways, God is already preparing me for that time…whether it be tomorrow or 20 years from now. He’s already allowing me to experience the detachment from needing to go there. As it is, I now only visit about 3-4 times/year, and that is usually around season changes, because I typically swap out the flowers to “match” the season.

This certainly doesn’t mean I no longer care or that I’m trying to erase him from my memory. Hardly. That would be impossible anyway, at least as long as I’m capable of remembering. But, I think God is “releasing” me from the need to be there as often as I’ve been in the past. And…perhaps from the need to feel like I have to change out the flowers with each season. I’ll let God continue to guide me on that one.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Quirkiness

The Change (no…not THAT one!)