And the winner from the first book giveaway of this “40 days” series is Jennifer Volovsek (time stamp: 7/1 – 11:37 pm)! Be sure to email me your mailing address at [email protected] so that we can get the book right out to you! Stop by next Monday for another author interview and book giveaway!

If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, be sure to click HERE to do that before continuing on with this one. I’ll wait on you to catch up…I promise!

OK – now that we’re all back on the same page. I promised that I would be back today with continuing thoughts and specific action items that I did to help me out of a place (or season) of bondage or “stuckness”. You know the place…merely existing but far from thriving.

When I encounter “stuck people”, I have found many commonalities:

• These are people that have often experienced something that’s caused a “derailment” in their life – separation or divorce, major disappointment, job loss, health problem, death of a loved one, financial struggles, and parenting problems…just to name a few.
• Most often, stuck people want life to be different, but they’re either (1) tired of the “fight” or (2) don’t know what to do to get out of the pit (or both).
• Remaining in “stuck status” often leads to more life derailments.

I know “stuck” very well. Actually, I lived “stuck” for several decades. But, I came face-to-face with it when my late husband took his own life. I had already seen God work miracle after miracle in my life. I knew the restoring and redeeming power He provides in abundance to those that desire it. I knew the depth of His love, and yet I still remained “stuck” in my grief, but not for long!

As I referenced yesterday, God revealed Himself to me one day as I re-read the story of the man in need of healing in John 5. When Jesus spoke with the man, He point-blank asked Him, “Do you want to be well?” Some translations say healed. Regardless, Jesus was looking for a response from the man before He went any further. The man answered Jesus with “Yes…but” (or at least that’s how it came across to me). Here’s what the NIV relates about this passage:

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. ~John 5:5-9

In summary…Jesus met this “stuck man”; Jesus questioned his desire to be well; the man responded affirmatively but with reasons for why he couldn’t be; Jesus gave him a command; the man obeyed and was healed.

Sounds simple enough doesn’t it? Well, it did to me too, but…

Yes, when God confronted me, through this passage, I gave Him my own set of “buts”…

• “But I don’t know how to get well?”
• “Each time I take two steps forward, I end up taking three back.”
• “It never lasts.”
• “I’m just too tired to fight it any longer.”
• “I don’t have time to work on my healing.”
• “Nobody understands what I’m dealing with.”
• “Life. Just. Hurts.”

And…I know that’s not an exhaustive list.

Friends, I was a VERY broken woman. The death of my previous husband was only the most recent of the tragedies I had experienced in life. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back for me.

I. Was. Finished. (No – not finished with life – that was NEVER an option for me.) I was simply finished with the fight. Or so I thought…

God wasn’t finished me. He wouldn’t allow me to remain in the pit. He knew my desire. I WANTED to be well. I truly did. Honestly, I think that’s the first step (at least it was for me). Think about it for a minute…how can you help someone that doesn’t want to be helped? How can a doctor cure a patient that doesn’t want to be cured and refuses the help they’re offered? So it is in this case too. I’ve had the amazing opportunity to share my story one-on-one with several ladies that were in deep hurts of their own. They wanted help. They wanted to be well. And, that would always be one of the first questions I would ask them. If they didn’t…if they were content in their “stuck status”…then were not ready for me to share with them anything about my own experience of healing. But, if they wanted to be well…now that’s something that could be worked with!

Let me give a brief disclaimer here…I’m not a professional counselor. What “worked” for me may not work for others, because situations are different indeed. I’m only sharing some of the steps I took that I know…that I know…that I know…resulted in me finding healing on my Grief Road.

Just know this…God wants you whole. He desires for you to be an effective worker in His kingdom. And…He’s not going to give up on you. Ever.

This is a glimpse of some practical things I did to crawl my way through my own tunnel of darkness into the light of healing:

1) Stayed in the Word. It goes without saying…this is perhaps one of the most important things I did. Including the day I was told my husband died, all the way to the day I emerged from the grief cocoon, I was in the Word every single day. Now…don’t get me wrong. Initially, I could only muster enough desire and energy to read a single verse. But, God met me there. Eventually I devoured the word and spent considerably more time with Him.

2) Prayed. Like reading the Bible, my initial prayers consisted of “Help me God”! That’s it. Nothing more. But, He heard my cries and met me there. Eventually, my cries for help turned into precious conversations with Abba.

3) Attended a GriefShare class and support group. I tried it twice. I wasn’t ready the first time through and ended up dropping out but successfully tried again the next time around! The key…keep trying!

4) Received professional counseling. I can’t say enough for this. I didn’t have to go a lot, but every single session I attended was vital in my healing process.

5) Read tons of books and blogs from people that had also experienced loss. I strongly encourage you to seek out resources from people that have walked a similar path as your own. I found tons of encouragement from this step alone.

6) Journaled. I processed my journey a lot through journaling. I took time to place my thoughts onto paper or on my blog. It was especially helpful to read back through them on days that were difficult, because I could clearly see the Lord’s involvement in days or weeks gone by, which would often give me a boost to the next step.

7) Refused to isolate. While being alone seems enticing at times, I found it was not good for me during my grief journey. By nature, I’m an introvert and derive energy by having some alone time. But, while grieving, I needed to be in the presence of others more than I normally would.

Hopefully, this gives you a few ideas that you can use as you help someone else become “unstuck” or perhaps something you can use on your own journey to wholeness.

I’m cheering you on!

Love,

Formerly Stuck