Devotional Archives - Page 5 of 25

The 5th anniversary of my late husband’s suicide is coming up in a few weeks. I honestly can’t believe it’s already been five years, and yet…in other ways…it feels like it was a lifetime ago. I have an exciting announcement to make around “the anniversary”, so keep watching in early May! In the meantime, I’ve been re-reading some of my posts from that first year of grief, and this one stood out to me. Maybe because I need to be reminded by my own words. Or…maybe someone else needs to read this today. In any regard, I felt compelled to share once again.

I know we often can’t see God’s beautiful (and perfect) plans unfold so easily in our lives. Just yesterday, my heart was aching heavily for a couple of friends going through some really difficult times right now. The trials they are being asked to endure don’t make sense when viewed through the earthly lens we often use when gazing at life. A word I can easily associate with their difficulties…unfair! And YET…

God never promised life would be fair. He never promised it would be delivered to us on a silver platter or we’d walk the glory road until we reach glory itself. He never promised our days will be filled with material blessing or the trials we do endure will be swift. He never promised we wouldn’t experience a broken heart or be disappointed by broken people.

Right now…I personally know someone…

–Fighting breast cancer
–Praying for a spouse after a lifetime of singleness
–Waiting on God for the sale of a home on the market for four years
–Seeking custody of a child who has endured much hardship
–Waiting on a call for their forever child through adoption
–Praying for conception even though doctors are speaking infertility
–Ready to walk out on a position they’ve been called to do, because the enemy tells them they can’t do it
–Fighting to keep the job they have
–Aching for a spouse who went to Heaven late last year
–Waiting with great expectation for a YES answer to a position they applied for months ago and are still in the running for
–Who lost everything in a house fire four months ago
–Questioning whether or not Christ could ever love them enough to accept them into His family
–Grieving the loss of a parent a few short weeks ago
–Grieving the loss of a child to cancer earlier this year
–Watching their special needs adopted child endure many medical procedures this week
–Waiting on God to provide funding resources for a new non-profit organization started in faith
–Praying for a prodigal child

These are tough, tough things, friends. And…these are tough things for my praying heart to endure. So many times I’ve prayed God would allow me to see hurting and broken people through His eyes so my prayers might be more personal and often more gutteral. He’s done that many times, and I ache all the more.

But, even though these aren’t the things in life we’ve asked for, prayed for, expected, or even wanted…”in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”! (Romans 8:28) This is not just some biblical cliche…this is TRUTH spoken by a God (THE God) who cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18).

I choose to believe – even through my husband’s suicide – God is working for my good, because…I love Him, and I have been called according to His purpose. And while I may not be able to see with my physical eyes all the plans God has for me to work this for my good…I see with my eyes of faith. And, one day…my faith WILL be my sight!

The end of 2014 could not have come sooner, in my opinion. The year started out full of promise and ended full of sickness. Several members of our household contracted the yet-to-be-defined “crud”, including me. As it turned out, it was actually a combination of sinus infections, bronchitis, walking pneumonia, and multiple unexplained viruses. I was sick for the better part of seven weeks!

The worst day for me within that seven week time span was Christmas Eve! After working a half-day, I finally made the decision to go to the Urgent Care. In all honesty, I thought I had full-blown pneumonia and even “warned” my husband of a possible hospital admittance before the night was over. (Thankfully, that didn’t happen.)

Before I could go to the Urgent Care, I had to stop by Walmart to pick up a last minute Christmas gift in the photo center. I fully anticipated popping in and out, because I had already received a text alert from Walmart hours before that my two prints were ready!

I had our foster baby with me, as he had been sick too. I decided not to grab a cart…it was only going to be an in-and-out kind of trip. Certainly I could hold the little guy, pay for the two pictures and head home.

Or so I thought…

Before I go any further, I need to say I’m NOT a fan of Walmart. I know there are many of you that are loyal shoppers of the big W, but I’m not one of them. I’ll do anything to prevent having to step foot in that store. Without fail, nearly every single time I’m in there…something happens…sometimes very bizarre things. Usually, however, it’s poor customer service or very rude shoppers. Regardless, I needed the pictures quickly, and there is only one photo center in town that will print on matte paper that quickly. I didn’t want glossy prints for this purpose. So, I succumbed and gave Walmart this tiny business of mine.

By the time I waited in the line at the photo center, and it was my turn to pay for my pictures, I had already been there 15 minutes…a little longer than I had planned, but oh well, it was Christmas Eve after all. I quickly gave the cashier my name, and she began the hunt for my order. Finally, she came back over to me and said that she couldn’t find them and would have to reprint them. Ugh! What choice did I have? I had to wait. She assured me it wouldn’t take long.

OVER AN HOUR LATER…YES…AN HOUR…I’m STILL standing there…sick as a dog with a sick baby in my arms! I was exasperated, fighting back tears, and simply overwhelmed.

I called my hubby to see if he was anywhere near us. He wasn’t too far away and said he’d head that way. I needed him to take the little guy home while I continued to wait on my TWO pictures.

After an hour and twenty minute wait, the clerk found the original order (still hadn’t completed the reprint by this time either). Imagine. That. I paid and headed to the front of the store to meet up with my husband, who should be coming in the door any second. While standing there, I reached him on his phone, and the tears finally gushed out. I was at the end of my rope, and unfortunately Joel got to hear what that sounded like. He told me to stay put, as he was already in the store headed to the photo center only to discover I was no longer there.

Crying into the phone, I managed to get out a few words… “I can’t stand here much longer. I have no cart. I have been holding this baby for almost an hour and a half, and I am SO sick and need to get to a doctor right away.”

As soon as the words, left my mouth, a woman walked up to me…started emptying out her cart of all its belongings and then handed it to me with these words, “You need this more than me. I’ve been in your shoes before…take the cart.”

I was stunned. Something beautifully kind was happening to me inside Walmart. God has such a sense of humor.

He also took that moment to show me a little nugget of His truth. Sometimes, the ugliest, most painful person or thing in your life…the one you want nothing to do with, the one you can certainly live without, but the one that just won’t go away is the very place or the very person through which God chooses to shine brightest.

He did for me…in Walmart.

Eyes of Faith…a Repost!

I Found Beauty THERE!