Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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Arrow Prayers

February 19, 2014 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

Target with arrowI was what you might consider an average athlete when I was growing up…at least in most sports. Some sports, like track and field events or swimming, I would say I was above average in skill. However, basketball and golf (to name a couple) were sports that I didn’t quite tip even the “average” scale. But…all-in-all…I wasn’t all that bad in most sport-related activities. But, there was one area I shockingly excelled in. I had no reason to really be good at it, because I had never practiced a day in my life. My physical education teacher taught me the skills necessary to get started, and somehow I did well from the get-go. The sport? ARCHERY! Who woulda guessed? Certainly not me. I don’t know if it was just good aim or my precision with a bow or simply my ability to maneuver the arrows in such a way to get them to the middle of the target. Whatever the case…I was fairly good at shooting arrows.

As I learned in a staff devotion this week at work, I’m pretty good with shooting out “arrow prayers” too. Mike shared with our team that arrow prayers are those quick little prayer snippets that we toss out, often on the fly, when we find ourselves in need of quick help…

Heal me Lord!

Protect my children!

Save my marriage!

Take this cancer!

Give me a job!

Send money!

Help my breaking heart!

I bet you’ve tossed out a few arrow prayers of your own if truth be known. Am I right?

One of the most desperate arrow prayers I’ve ever prayed came within minutes of learning of my previous husband’s suicide. I simply prayed, “Help me Lord!” Those were the only prayer words I could muster. I prayed those same three words each day for what seemed like forever.

Gradually, those three words grew into longer sentences…then paragraphs…then even lengthier times of prayer with the Lord. But, it’s not the duration of the prayer that God is concerned with, it’s the heart from which the prayer comes. Are we using it like a bargaining tool with God, “If I pray this, then He will do this.”? Or is this simply all that our heart can mutter in prayer at this particular time? For me, it was the latter. I was a broken, new widow, still in shock over the loss of my husband. In the days and weeks that followed, I didn’t have the strength to pray anything else.

But, God met me right where I was at in that moment. My “arrow prayer” reached the Target! God heard my “Help me Lord!” My prayer was purely from the heart…even if broken.

You might not be suffering the same loss, but for whatever reason, you may similarly be able to offer brief arrow prayers right now in this season of life. Don’t let length stop you from talking to God. He’s not looking for wordy, fleshly prayers. He’s not asking for perfection. You don’t need a seminary degree. Just talk to Him…from the heart! He loves and hears and responds to all of our heart-launched prayers…even arrow prayers!

The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer. ~Psalm 6:9 ESV

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It’s a Process

February 6, 2014 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

I love to scrapbook! I consider myself pretty crafty, in general, but there’s something about scrapbooking that puts it near the top of my fun things to do. I love how it combines my passion for photography, crafting, coordinating colors, and memory making! However, there’s one thing about scrapbooking that I don’t like…GETTING STARTED!

I don’t know why, but I struggle to actually start a new scrapbooking project. I’ll sit and ponder various ideas about how many pages I might need, which pictures need to be included, what the cover page might look like, and the list goes on endlessly. I generally end up at the point that I finally have to stop all the processing and planning and just…get…started. And…without fail…once I get started, I’m usually very productive, and the project ends up getting finished.

It’s a process.

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I remember when I was early in my widowhood journey. I wanted the days to fly by. I couldn’t wait to go to bed at night so I could just go to sleep and not have to think for awhile. Thinking was hard in those earliest of days. Thinking always took me back to him and all the “why” questions still whirling around me.

All-too-often, friends (most of whom had never walked in similar shoes) told me that one day I would feel alive again. In my heart I believed them, but my head refused to let me go there just yet. It seemed too far away. I wanted to be already through that tunnel, but I wasn’t even in the middle where the light at the end would start shining.

The day came though. It took me by surprise actually. The light shone…brighter and brighter. I was gaining speed, and I was moving closer and closer to it until I finally felt it. The warmth of healing settled over me. The pain…certainly not gone forever…but, the ability to live, truly live, arrived once again.

It’s a process.

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My recent journey…on the road to health and wellness…has seemed long and very curvy. I experienced about three months of incredible highs this fall only to be followed by one (what I thought to be) little choice to enjoy Thanksgiving (the food part of it, that is). I was getting so close to that first big goal of mine. What would one day off plan really hurt? Honestly? Nothing…if it had just remained one day. Instead, it turned into the week of Thanksgiving, then the Christmas season full of food fiestas followed by the actual Christmas Day meal(s).

Well, if I had given up for that long, what’s a few more days to finish out the year?

January arrived. I was still venturing widely off that road to health and wellness. I knew my birthday was around the corner, yet somehow I would stay on course until then. I had already proven at Thanksgiving, however, I couldn’t pause for just one day. Oh…the self-defeating thoughts flooded my mind.

The birthday and “fun” food came and went. The pounds came back too. Not entirely from an autumn of hard work…but enough to notice. Oh, what happened to me? Disappointment overwhelmed me. I wasn’t done. I would start again. And, I did. I had many “day 1” re-starts.

Just one more cookie, and I’ll get back on track.

Just one more dinner out, and I’ll cook my healthy meal tomorrow.

Just one more…

Even so…I refuse to quit. I refuse to throw in the towel. God is with me on this journey, and He’s not giving up on me yet. I just have to remind myself of that over and over and over. That and the fact that…

It’s a process.

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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