Time to fess up.

I’ve been in hiding. OK – well, maybe not in the literal sense, but in the blog world sense of the word. No, you’ve not missed anything, because I simply haven’t been here. No Makeover Monday posts, no Whimsical Wednesdays, and definitely no Freedom Fridays. That’s not to say that I haven’t experienced any of those things…I honestly just haven’t felt like writing about it (or better yet…on the day that I’ve assigned myself to write about it). There…the truth is out.

I recently read a post from another blogger that I routinely follow, and she literally took the words right out of my mouth. Click HERE to read her brief post and then come back and I’ll share a bit more.

Woohoo! Preach it sista! That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling.

When I began blogging over five years ago, it was for me. I never even knew if anyone else would ever even read my simple musings. Shockingly, a few of you did. My handful of readers developed into a few handfuls, and then it happened. I got “swept up into” the whole blog phenomenon of giveaways, statistical following, ads vs. no ads, comment counting, followers, and the list is endless. It no longer was a hobby. It became a chore.

However, it also became a place of refuge. When my husband died a few years ago, my blog became my journal, of sorts. It also became a gathering place, and I received enormous love and support through this medium. I never would have met many of you had it not been for this blog world. And…I’m extremely grateful for that.

But, then life changed again. God rescued me from despair and eventually restored my life, and soon thereafter…I met and married Joel! What sweet times God has given me through being this precious man’s wife.

In doing so, however, my widow connections have changed. On the one hand, there are several of you that I still converse with regularly…some are still widowed (and we’ll forever share that bond – married or not), some are newly married as well, and some of you…well, you’re probably not even reading this, because you dropped me like a bag of flour as soon as my life didn’t line up with yours anymore. That’s okay. As I’ve learned on more than one occasion, our lives are constantly changing, and I now welcome each season and all of the blessings (and not-so-blessed times) that go with it.

So, where does that leave the ole blog? I’m going back to the beginning. While I earnestly want to connect with as many of you as I can, I’m not allowing myself to be driven by statistics anymore. This blog is for God’s glory and for my joy. He has rescued me from deep waters, indeed. But, whether I’m writing about grief experiences, craft projects I’m working on, my weight loss journey, the joys of marriage, coupon tips and tricks, photography, dreams and goals, or a whole bunch of nothin’…it’s ALL for God’s glory. I would not be where I am today, had He not poured out His grace and mercy upon me in immeasurable ways.

So, as my new blog friend over at Maple and Magnolia so brilliantly put it…”I’m blogging how I want to blog, Jack!”

I’d love to have you continue to join me here as you’re able. I will continue to share weight loss updates but it may not be just on Mondays or Wednesdays or any other consistent day of the week. I’ll continue to introduce a giveaway every now and then, but it may not just be in January around birthday time. I’ll continue to share about my journey while on Grief Road (as God leads), but I’m also going to work on categorizing my older posts so if you want to continue to direct other new widows to that part of my site, it will be easier to find.

Thanks for loving me in spite of me! I. Am. Blessed.

I’m not sure I’ve ever gone a whole month without blogging. Regardless…I’m ashamed to admit I’ve just done it.

Blogging has always been a passion of mine. It allows me the place to practice something I love to do (in a non-formal way)…WRITE! It gives me a place to connect with each of you! And…it’s a way for me to simply “journal” the ups and downs of life, all in the hopes of ultimately bringing Christ glory in all that I do or say. (And…it doesn’t have to always be devotional to bring glory to His name.)

So, why so long you might be wondering?

To be completely transparent, I’ve been in a funk. There…I said it.

I’ve been struggling internally with a desire to do ANYTHING. I think I’ve been in a rut of sorts…going through the motions of life but not really living! I’ve been battling my own vicious thoughts that keep me from focusing on those things that really matter most to me. I’ve been disorganized and far busier than God EVER intended me to be. Within the last month…

1) Joel and I moved into our first home together (which required lots of painting, and aesthetic touches before the move).

2) My hubby had a pretty significant surgery the day after we moved.

3) I’ve been sick (minor stuff)…just due to an exhausted body and weakened immune system.

Those are just the highlights of the last 30 days. However, the last 3 months (in general) have felt like a series of 24-hour days on steroids with not much breathing room. And so…I shut down (temporarily). While my life might have looked beautiful to the outsider taking a surface-level peak…I was simply miserable. I was discouraged. I knew this wasn’t the life Christ called me to, because He promises ABUNDANT life (John 10:10).

Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I. Am. Blessed. I know that. I can look around at the issues other families and individuals are dealing with all over this world, and it puts my little “issues” to shame. It’s all about perspective. But, I still ache. I still hurt. I still feel REAL emotions. And, it was those crazy emotions and thoughts that kept me from living out God’s best for me.

The change in me began one day at work. A co-worker and precious friend was praying at the end of a meeting, and she uttered something that went a little like this…

God, please fill me up with Your fullness and then use me mightily out of my emptiness.

Those weren’t her words verbatim, but it’s what I took away from what she prayed. In other words…God (only God) can use me while empty, because He is the One that can fill me with more of Him.

Ephesians 1:22-23, NLT – God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.

Christ’s power is made PERFECT in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Therefore, as I step out of the funk I’ve been living in…I ask Him…

1) for a fresh in-filling of Himself

2) for his power to be perfected in me during my weakness

Thank you Jesus for your willingness to meet me right where I’m at!