Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

The Big 4-0!

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I’ve always said that it’s hard to surprise me. I guess it’s that little investigative personality quirk of mine. I’m always trying to figure everything out. That’s generally not a good thing, unless I’m working on a brain teaser or something else that requires problem-solving techniques. Then, I’m your girl.
 
However, I have to admit – I’ve been surprised A LOT in the last week. Wonderful surprises, thankfully!
 
We just finished up “birthday weekend in our house”. I turned the big 4-0 last Saturday, and my daughter turned 15 on Monday (two days ago). I had mixed feelings about leaving my thirties and entering this new decade of numbers.
 

On the one hand, my thirties were filled with tragedy, ending with the worst one to date with my husband’s death last May. So, for my forties represent an opportunity for renewed hope and prayerfully God-given restoration. But, the forties represent aging…dreams unfulfilled…and for me, as recently as last week, a temporary decline in health. Then again – with each day I live – I’m one day closer to Heaven! I long to be Home but not one day earlier than God calls me.

But, there was another part of turning 40 that simply…well…bothered me. I met my husband when he was 42, so I wasn’t around to help him celebrate his 40th birthday. But, I’ve heard stories of that day several times. In short, he was living in Florida – had just moved there actually. He really didn’t know anyone that well yet, and he was alone. He treated himself to dinner at the local Outback, and he and the wait staff celebrated his birthday. He laughed it off a lot, but I also remember him saying over and over that my 40th birthday would not be lonely like that – he would make sure of it.
 

So, you can imagine when my brain actually had a moment to wrap my mind around the fact that my husband left me in this world before my 40th birthday – I was actually very hurt (and if I’m being honest, a little angry at first too). I couldn’t believe he would do to me the very thing that he vowed to not let happen…spend my 40th birthday alone. But, I know that I know that I know…he wasn’t in his right mind on May 3-4, 2011. He never would have intentionally done that.

Well, I definitely wasn’t alone. Not even close. The celebrations actually began last Thursday (the 19th) when my co-workers surprised me with an “Over the Hill” party full of gag gifts, food, fun, and love! I laughed….a lot…that morning!

 
 
 
 
 
 
My oldest friend (not in age), Kandi, came up Friday night to help me celebrate on Saturday. Little did I know what she had up her sleeve. She told me she “had something planned that she wanted to do”, but I never dreamed it would include all of this…
 
1) Breakfast at Cracker Barrel with Kandi
2) Pampering with a manicure and pedicure with Kandi, Rebecca, and Carol
3) Dinner at Travinia with Kandi, Rebecca, and Carol

4) A return home to a HOUSE FULL of my closest friends that had gathered for my SURPRISE 40th birthday party! And…a surprise it was indeed! One of Chris’ sisters even came down from Virginia to join in the surprise!
5) Two dozen pink roses (I LOVE flowers and the color pink), a beautiful cake (I LOVE cake too), colorful balloons, and yummy food also showed up at the party!

In addition to that, I received many cards in the mail, well wishes on Facebook and…another surprise…

My blog was HIJACKED! Yes indeed! It was “taken over” by a sweet friend that’s actually working on my new website, and she secretly coordinated putting up some precious messages, videos, and birthday greetings from some amazing ladies – as far away as Colorado!

And…just when you think…this girl has been blessed ENOUGH…God gave me another one!

 
Little did I realize but a sweet new friend in the state of Washington (that I’ve never met in person) contacted the Carolina Panthers (my FAVORITE football team) to let them know about the recent tragedy that touched our lives last year with Chris’ death. You know what they did? They sent a package of goodies along with a sweet letter (see below), and it happened to arrive on my birthday! Angie (my Washington friend) hadn’t even planned on that…but God did! I was stunned!
 
 
 
So, I think I’m finally beginning to break through the cloud of sweet shock that settled in over me this weekend. I’m so thankful for the way God chose to love on me for this first birthday without Chris! I feel VERY loved right now!
 
And…just to report…Anna’s birthday was a blast too! It was just the two of us, but we celebrated big time! Chinese takeout, game night, and movie night – all Anna’s requests!
 
P.S. I’ll post about my Birthday Project (40 Random Acts of Kindness in a day or two). So, stay tuned…

To Anna

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I remember holding you in my arms that very first time thinking, “Is she really mine?” I was scared – that God would entrust something so fragile and so beautiful to us to care for. And yet…I was so very, very THANKFUL!

Secretly, I had wanted my first baby to be a little girl. That had been my dream for years, so when the sonographer announced at our ultrasound that you were, indeed, a GIRL – I couldn’t believe it. I think I had prepared myself for a boy…just in case…that when the news came that we should focus on buying pink…I was shocked. Happily shocked! 🙂 Thankfully, on January 23, 1997 at 5:39 pm – the news the sonographer had given us a few months prior was validated – here was my baby girl, my beautiful baby girl!

And now…my beautiful baby girl has developed into a beautiful young lady.

Anna, your beauty is not just external sweetheart, but your internal beauty is what makes this mother’s heart sing. You are uniquely compassionate for those less fortunate…whether it be the kid being bullied or the malnourished child in Africa or perhaps the elderly woman in the grocery store that can hardly push her shopping cart, your compassion is so real. You love people. You want to serve people. And that makes me smile!

But, you also love God – unashamedly! I love your bold faith – so much bolder than my own at your age. You are not ashamed of the Gospel, and you are certainly not ashamed to admit you’re a Jesus girl! I love that about you sweetheart! Your desire to want others to have what you have (or Who you have) is so beautiful. You go to great lengths, no matter that cost, to be the hands and feet of Jesus to people that you “do life” with so that they can see the Savior in you and want Him too! That is so uniquely rare in a young lady of 15. At your age, it’s more common to be obsessed with the latest fashions/labels, your external appearance, the cute boys around you, what life can give you. But you, my dear, are thankfully different. Those things, while nice at times, aren’t the things that impress you. And that also makes me smile!

You’ve endured much heartache in your brief 15 years, but my sweet girl…you are rising above it all! You are a living example of Romans 8:28, and I can’t wait to see how God will continue to use your obedient heart in the days, months, and years to come.

So, today, on your 15th birthday…I wanted to publicly say how proud I am of you, Anna! I love you beyond words, and I am so very thankful that God hand-picked you to be my daughter!

Happy Birthday ‘Sweet-Sweet’!!!!