Several Sunday afternoons/evenings for the past couple of months, you might find me at my friend, Jill’s, house. Jill and I have been friends for right at about 7 years. She was my first Sunday School teacher after moving back to the area and attending the church we do now. We’ve discovered through the years that we have a lot in common, and even though Jill serves at another church now, we’ve remained in touch.

As a matter of fact, Jill was at my home when the news of Chris’ death was delivered to me.

She’s a divorced, single mom and has been for many years, but her single mom status has never kept her from doing for others and being a faithful friend to me. She delivered casseroles to our family after two surgeries that I had fairly recently. She and her college-aged daughter came over and cleaned the house for us in the early weeks following Chris’ death. She helped to financially support my mission trip to Africa in June, 2010 – even though I know she lives within a VERY tight budget. She’s prayed for me on countless occasions – a gift no price tag can be placed upon!

And so…about a month after Chris died, I received her news. I was shocked and saddened to learn my friend had been diagnosed with breast cancer! Honestly, I’ve known of many, many people that have had cancer, but Jill is the first single lady close to me that I knew to receive the diagnosis.

I immediately prayed…for the obvious…HEALING! But, I also prayed that she would be surrounded by love and care! As I know all too well, it’s very difficult to be single and go through something so tragic. I prayed she wouldn’t have to beg for help but that people would simply respond. They would not wait to be asked but would do the asking. It’s so hard to ask for help, but people can’t read your mind also, so I prayed that God would give Jill strength to ask when needed but would allow His Spirit to speak to those in her support network to do SOMETHING…anything!

She’s shared that she’s been abundantly blessed with a large support system! Praise God! But, she’s also been very lonely in recent days. Jill admits that having visitors helps to take her mind off the pain from the chemo.

And, so I visit. I love to visit as much as I can on Sunday afternoons. We never seem to have a loss of conversation. We each share about the painful journeys we’re walking right now, although drastically different (yet interestingly similar).

Yesterday was a difficult day for Jill. She was in a lot of pain and nausea had returned (that had amazingly been gone since being on this new chemo drug). She was exhausted. And yet…she still wanted to worship! She expressed that she hadn’t been able to worship God with anyone else in quite awhile, as she’s usually very sick on Sundays. Therefore, would I consider doing her cancer Bible study with her? Of course! I would love to – any chance to study the Word with someone gets me giddy (even in these difficult circumstances).

She hands me her Bible and the study book opened to that day’s study. She then shared, “You’re going to think I planned this, but I promise I didn’t.” I looked down at the title of the lesson…Worship God Anyway! We had just finished talking about this very thing. I shared that sometimes I just gravitate towards God – not getting enough of Him. But there are the other days. The ones when my grief seems so thick that I can hardly get out of bed, let alone spend time in worship, but I have to do it anyway.

And…here it was, staring me in the face. I smiled. That God of mine…such a sense of humor He has! As I read her study aloud to her…I’m the one that’s blessed! I see scripture over and over that reinforces the concept of worshiping God anyway! And then I see THAT scripture…the one that has been following for me around for awhile…the one that I even used on my husband’s funeral program:

Habakkuk 3:17-18

Good late evening blog friends! Better late than never. There’s still a little less than an hour left in this day (on the East coast, that is), so I haven’t skipped a post yet on this 40-day journey. Whew! But…I wonder how many of you are out there thinking I did right about now?? Ha! Ha!

As God would have it, he’s allowing me to see a little more of His hand in my life with this “Gilgal thing” that I referenced in yesterday’s VLOG post. To know more, either watch that video post or simply read about in Joshua 4 and 5.

In a very quick summary…Gilgal was the first stop on the Israelites journey into the Promised Land. It was the place where God essentially brought them “full circle”.

Full circle…hmmm….I have recently had an opportunity to witness God doing that in my life in a very specific way. A few weeks before my husband died, I was asked to be an assistant teacher for a women’s Sunday morning class at our church. I was excited about this opportunity to serve in my own church, because it seems that so often as a speaker, I have the opportunities to serve more in other churches or places of ministry. To be able to teach and share in my church is an absolute blessing.

I attended that first class back on May 1, when my friend Lorie and I were initially introduced to the class. We were so excited to be joining this amazing group of women and to be able to serve together as teachers of God’s Word (my FAVORITE thing to teach)!

But…

My life shattered just 3 days later, when my husband’s lifeless body was discovered, and my journey down Grief Road began. I didn’t return to the class after that. I needed to go back to my place of “comfort” – the class my husband and I had attended together since we were first married. These were the very people that discovered my husband after his suicide…the very people that cared for me in the days, weeks, and months following Chris’ death…the very people I’ve been doing life with for quite awhile. I had to go back to that class. There was nothing left of me to give to anyone else at that point.

As the weeks have passed, God has been speaking VERY clearly to me about returning to this class. But, I thought…Lord, you must be kidding. I certainly must not be hearing you correctly. What do I have to offer – especially now?

He never stopped pursuing me. He actually led me to the book of Jonah to study, and I studied Jonah from late May through mid-September. I know…I know…how can one person study four little chapters for that long? Trust me…it’s possible. I kept wondering why I couldn’t get out of the book of Jonah…why I couldn’t move on…you know, to something else – anything else?

And then…I got it. God wanted me to see how I was running from my own “divine interruption”. Just as God divinely interrupted Jonah’s life by asking him to go to Ninevah, Jonah ran and tried to sail to Tarshish. Much like Jonah, God clearly told me to return to that class back in June, but I didn’t want to…I wanted to stay in my own place of comfort…in my old class. I was clearly disobeying. Clearly. It’s not that this ladies’ class is composed of “Ninevites”. Quite the contrary, actually. It was just a symbol of me running from what God had clearly commanded me to do. I was Jonah, trying to sail to Tarshish rather than obey God and go to Ninevah.

But, in early October, I changed. I obeyed. I said “goodbye” to my old class and by mid-October, I walked back into my new class, but this time as an attendee – not with the intention of teaching (or so I thought…).

A couple weeks ago, the pastor over these classes at our church called me and informed me that Lorie would be stepping down as the class teacher, as her family would be moving out-of-state in the next month or so (I knew about the move – just didn’t know when she would be leaving the class as teacher). And then came THE question…the one God had been preparing me for by asking me to return to that class…”Leah, will you pray about taking this class? I really think you have a lot to offer this group, especially in light of what God’s been teaching you these last few months.”

Oh boy. Here it was. God…is this what Jonah was all about?

I promised to pray. I promised to call him the next week with an answer.

I did. I answered. I’m obeying. And, this morning, we announced to the class that God would be moving me into that role at the end of this month. November 27 will be my first day back in the role of “teacher”. Please pray for me. I want nothing more than to serve God well and glorify Him completely! Thank you friends!

P.S. A little funny…my 4th grade teacher is in this class! Talk about “full circle”! 🙂