Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

He’s Enough

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I’ve been thinking about this really hard for the last 19 weeks. I’ve chewed on it until the flavor seems to be all gone. I’ve spoken it out loud, written about it, but yet…I continue to ask myself…do I really mean it?

The question…

If God takes everything and everyone away from me, is He still enough?

Now, before I can give a direct answer to that question, I need to be real about the questions I’ve had to ask myself that have brought me to my answer. God has allowed my precious husband to be taken from me, and He’s giving me the grace to survive this horrific tragedy, but…

1) What if He took away my health? Would He still be enough?

2) What if He took away my beloved job…the place I look forward to serving in each day…would He still be enough?

3) What if He took away all of my friends and left me feeling isolated and lonely? Would He still be enough?

4) What if He took away the one person that has never left my side for the last 14 years, 7 months, and 20 days…my beloved daughter? What if He called her Home before me? Would He still be enough?

5) What if He took away all of my material possessions…what if I ended up homeless? Would He still be enough?

6) What if He took away the speaking ministry He’s given me? What if he closed my lips and allowed me to speak no further? Would He still be enough?

7) What if I lost it all…everything…people, things, security…would He still be enough?

My answer…

YES!!!!! I can answer with a resounding YES!!!!!!

Does this mean that I would not suffer if any of the above losses took place? Absolutely NOT! On the contrary, my suffering would be quite large. I would continue to rise and fall with the waves of grief, as I do now in learning to live without my Chris. (Just typing his name brings tears to my eyes.)

Does this mean that I welcome additional loss? Not in the least. I pray that He spares me further pain that comes close to the pain that I’ve experienced with the loss of my husband. It’s the worse pain I’ve ever endured and to think I might be asked to endure that type of pain again makes me sick to my stomach.

Does this mean that my response to additional loss would be “saintly” and full of wisdom? Nope. I know me too well to know that. I struggle now with walking my current journey of loss in a way that pleases God. I try…but, I know I fail quite often.

So, how can I answer with a resounding YES?

Because…He’s God….He’s always Good…He always keeps His promises…AND, this life that we have to live on earth is so small, covering such a minuscule period of time, and so brief compared to ALL of eternity!

So, YES…He’s enough. I’ll do whatever He asks me to do during this brief season of earthly life to experience the never-ending, glorious season of eternal life. And…if He asks me to experience this journey with nothing but Him…I’ll do that too. Tears and all. Because, He’s enough!

Warring Acrostics

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For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ~Ephesians 6:12

Yes. It. Is.

At probably no greater time in my life have I felt the spiritual battle going on around me. While I might not be in battle against flesh and blood, my very own flesh gets caught up in the battle at times – until I drag it back out and remind it where it takes its orders from…the very Word of God!

I battle, in my flesh, the same things people do that don’t know Christ. But…the difference? I’ve already received the Victory, through Christ’s death on the cross…FOR ME! I’m not bound by those fleshly battles. They do not determine my eternal home. But, they sure put a damper on this earthly life that I’m still called to live.

So, why do I allow this warring battle of emotions to even take place? Why do I not simply rest in what God’s Truth speaks? Because, I’m grieving. Because, I’m not Home yet. Because, I’m imperfect…continually striving for holiness but will never be fully sanctified until I’m standing as a bride before my Holy Groom. And…so the battle wages on.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. This doesn’t give me the right to simply give up and cave into my emotions. NEVER! This doesn’t give me a right to continue sinning, knowing God is willing to forgive. Absolutely not! But, this does give me liberty in knowing that I have a Perfect Father that adores His imperfect daughter and will continue to help me work out my sweet assurance of salvation until my warring acrostics (using the letters in my husbands first name) look more like the one on the very bottom (see below). I am a work in progress. But, at least I’m in progress. The enemy has no power over me. He will not win!

In my flesh…I feel…
C – confused
H – heart-broken
R – restless
I – invisible
S – sad
T – tainted
O – overwhelmed
P – pained
H – heavy-hearted
E – empty
R – rocky

In Christ…I am working to feel but know that I am…
C – courageous
H – happy
R – restored
I – inspired
S – safe
T – triumphant
O – overjoyed
P – peaceful
H – hopeful
E – encouraged
R – redeemed