Warning…this isn’t pretty…just real.

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t even really know what to say. Our little world is being rattled once again. This time…a potential job loss on the horizon. We got word today that my husband might be losing his job on Monday. It literally sickens me to type those words. Now – don’t get me wrong. I know lots of men and women that are losing jobs right now. This, sadly, is not uncommon during these tough economic times. However, what grieves me over this particular issue is that it has nothing to do with job performance. It has nothing to do with downsizing. It has nothing to do with job elimination. Simply put, one of the employees my husband works alongside made some poor business decisions. My husband was caught in the crossfire of these poor decisions, and now he may lose his job over it. His integrity is being questioned. His ethics are being questioned. And…it’s all a lie from the father of lies. My heart aches for my husband right now, because those that know him best know – beyond all doubt – that he is one of the hardest working, loyal, men of integrity I’ve ever known. To be in this “hot seat” that he’s found himself in seems like a very bad dream right now. Simply unbelievable. And, my heart wants to scream, “This is not fair, God!”.

My heart wants to scream those words, but I won’t let it.

God is always fair and just. God’s plans are not always our plans. God knows us better than we know ourselves. And…honestly…was it fair that His own Son had to die a painful death over 2000 years ago for my wicked sins? Who am I to scream the word “unfair”?

I don’t understand why we may be facing the darkest thing we’ve ever faced in our marriage. I don’t understand why, when life is already difficult on many levels right now, that we might be thrown this wrench too. I simply don’t understand. But, this I know…as it is written…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

As it is written…

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

It’s not for me to understand. Simply put, I choose to trust Him, praise Him, acknowledge Him in all things, thank Him, honor Him, and most assuredly love Him.

We welcome your prayers. We’re obviously praying for his job to be saved. Ultimately, we want to walk in line with God’s perfect will for us…whatever the cost.

It’s been another packed day and evening, hence another late night blog post. Thanks for bearing with me, as I near closer to the end of the 40 day blog writing challenge. Now – the real question…how often will I blog after this 40 days ends? Honestly, I’m not sure yet. I really think I need to have a set schedule, or else I’ll end up not writing enough. So…we’ll see! I just hope you stay with me. I’ve loved having all of you newbies (and oldbies) hanging out with me! Such sweet blog friends – I’m a blessed woman!

I just have to share that I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight. Simply put, I’m a worrier. I’ve worried my whole life about all kinds of things and even tons of things that don’t even make sense to worry about. I’m also a “what if” person. What if this happens? What if that happens? I’m always thinking about a contingency plan in case the bottom falls out. That said, within about 10 minutes of walking in the door at home tonight, my husband shares something with me that literally caused another round of worry to start up. All of these “what if” thoughts started going through my mind. I was not only worried, but I was agitated, afraid, and simply…tired. I had a class at church tonight and only had about 30 minutes at home before I had to head on out. So, I left the house – in a bit of a huff, not really in a frame of mind for my class.

Now…friends…let me just tell you, I only live about a mile and a half from our church. But in that short little jaunt, the Holy Spirit did an amazing about-face work in me. I was praying aloud in the car, and I actually heard myself say…”Leah, stop it. Don’t you know…as it is written, ‘Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?’ (Luke 12:25). Don’t you remember what you blogged about last night. God loves the ravens and the grass, and how much more does He love you? Now, get a grip. What’s the worse thing that could happen? Even if it does, you still have your life, your health, your family, and of course Sweet Jesus! That’s enough.” Whew! The worry simply fleed. Gone. Over. Done. It has no place in my life.

So, I came home and told my husband about my breakthrough. I think he was a bit surprised and relieved at the same time. I’m sure I’ll fall in this area again, but I’m going to continue renewing my mind with the truths of God’s Word. Just think…it was with the Word that Jesus rebuked Satan, as he was being tempted. The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, and I will continue to tap into that power as I wield my sword of the Sprit – God’s Word. I literally feel free!