Leah Stirewalt

In case you didn’t read Sunday’s post, I’m doing something a little different this week. In honor of Valentine’s Week, I’ve chosen to host a series of guest posts from some widow friends of mine. Each of these lovely gals will be sharing about their Valentine that now lives in Heaven. To briefly recap, we heard from Candy on Monday, Sheila on Tuesday, Cindy just yesterday, and today we get the pleasure of reading about Buck – Renee’s precious Valentine now residing in Heaven. Renee has been a widow for 3 years (come April), and I’ve been following Renee’s personal blogs, Tandem Journey and Christian Widow’s Walk, for several months now and love her sweet, sweet spirit. Please join me in welcoming Renee to Out of Deep Waters. Please encourage her with a little blog love through comments and prayers. And now…here’s Renee…

The Hunter

My sweetheart was not a wordy man, unless he was talking about his most intense passion…HUNTING!

Since he was a man of few words, it would stand to reason that he wouldn’t be known for writing very much either. He would always let Hallmark speak for him on birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. I was known to save little notes he would write, such as messages to let me know of his whereabouts, just so I would have something in his handwriting in my possession. When you live with a non-writer, a note saying, “Girfren, I went to the hardware store. Be back soon. Luv Ya, Bofren”, had great significance!

Early into our marriage, I told Buck it was a desire of my heart to have a love letter from him some day. He understood that words were important to me, and he never seemed to mind that I was wordy enough for two people when it came to expressing what was in my heart. Maybe that was another reason why God brought us together. I was never content to let someone else speak for me. I was always compelled to pour my heart into any card I chose for him. Though I was also verbal in my appreciation of him, I wanted him to have written “evidence” of my respect and devotion for him, as writing my feelings made it easier to convey the truth about how I felt about him.

After we were married for five years, we celebrated Valentine’s Day by attending a Family Life Marriage Conference “Weekend to Remember” held in Hershey, Pennsylvania. We really enjoyed the speakers and it was good for us to address some topics we had never discussed before as a couple. One of the strongly encouraged activities was to write love letters to each other, much to Buck’s dismay! I knew him well enough to know that such an assignment would be asking too much of him to produce during the weekend, so I let him know that I had no such expectation. But, I also reminded him that it would be the best gift he could ever give me, if he was motivated to bless me in such a special way. He was so relieved that I let him off the hook! I didn’t want him to feel pressured, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy for him to try to put his feelings into words. However, he did promise that he would write that
letter after we got home.

Nine months later, he kept that promise, and it was the most perfect way to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary! It was my favorite gift from him by far and the best gift he ever gave me! In his letter, he let me know that he made a commitment to God and a group of men, asking them to hold him accountable to fulfill this important desire of my heart. And to make it even more meaningful, he wrote it while he was hunting (since he had procrastinated and our anniversary was upon him)! I could picture him in his camouflage, sitting and leaning against a tree with his shiny, white book in his hands and gun lying on the ground, looking up occasionally to see if anything had snuck up on him – the ultimate sacrifice for any deer hunter! I call that a demonstration of true love! I can’t think of anything that I cherish more than that handwritten collection of my precious man’s words, describing his love for me!

I have recently found a new, favorite writer. In one of her blog entries last week, Ann Voskamp described her husband, and it made me think of my Buck. On her website, A Holy Experience, Ann refers to her husband as the Farmer, and she pens this about him, “The Farmer writes little with pens. He’s a man who prefers to write his love letters with his life.” If Buck had never written that love letter, I still would have countless, although less tangible, memories to treasure, because much like “the Farmer”, “the Hunter” wrote countless love letters with his life everyday.

How blessed I am to have a real, ink on paper, love letter as well…one of the most powerful demonstrations of Buck’s desire to make his woman happy!

While I was searching for photos of Buck decked out in his camo, I came across this Valentine card from him that I had forgotten about, and it did me in! I will consider it my Valentine for this year.

Happy Valentine’s Day (Week), Bofren! I miss you more than my wordiness can express!

Lord, please convey my message of love to “the Hunter” and give him a big, bear hug for me!

In case you didn’t read Sunday’s post, I’m doing something a little different this week. In honor of Valentine’s Week, I’ve chosen to host a series of guest posts from some widow friends of mine. Each of these lovely gals will be sharing about their Valentine that now lives in Heaven. Monday, you had the pleasure of hearing from Candy, who shared about her precious Valentine, Bob. Tuesday, we were equally honored to read about Sheila’s sweet heavenly Valentine, Rick (on what would have been their 20th wedding anniversary). Today, I’m so excited to introduce you to Cindy. I “met” Cindy shortly after my Chris went to Heaven, as she reached out to me via Facebook/my blog to simply say she was covering me in prayer, having walked Grief Road for a few months longer than me. Her precious Mark went to live with Jesus on Christmas Eve in 2010, so she’s been traveling this grieving journey for nearly 14 months. Cindy shares frequently on her own blog, Consider It All Joy, and I encourage you to check it out sometime. However, today, please give Cindy a little “blog love” through comments and prayers. And now…here’s Cindy…

A Love Worth Sharing

Sacrifice * Commitment * Humble * Faithful

These are a few of the words that come to mind when I think about the man I spent more than 30 years loving. Our love began on a nice summer day in the small town of Bridgeport on the Eastern Slopes of the High Sierra Mountains. I happen to drive by his house and saw he was outside working on his car. I stopped, we talked, and the rest is history.

My parents bought a restaurant when I was 21, my Mark would come in for coffee on his break and eventually he began working for my parents. He was not the most handsome or suave man, but there was a sincerity that oozed from his being. I could talk to him about anything and truly that is what drew me to him.

We were married just under a year and a half after we met and never looked back. Though there were some who said it would never last…well, let’s just say that thankfully they were wrong.

Our lives were not perfect…far from it. We battled infertility early on in our marriage followed by alcoholism, financial woes and job losses. We followed the Lord’s road through fostering children and adoption since my womb was removed at age 26. We made a choice to adopt two special needs children, equally precious and equally challenging. Our faith grew as did our children and our love for one another. Bankruptcy nearly broke us as well as one of our children getting involved in drugs. Yet as I read those first four words I wrote, I know why we made it through everything we faced.

My man sacrificed many things in life so his family would have what they needed. He was committed to us no matter what we faced. He humbly put others’ needs before himself and he was faithful through it all. That reminds me of our family motto and one of the things that was on Mark’s memorial card:

Through It All: FAITH

He was not just faithful, HE EXUDED FAITH. No matter what life attempted to throw at us, he trusted in his Savior, in his Lord, in his Jesus, in his God that we would be just fine.

My Mark was raised in the country, therefore he loved to fish, hunt, camp and hike. Those are also things I learned about growing up with parents who loved to do similar things. There was one very early morning that we were sitting on a hillside (freezing by the way) watching a buck on the other hillside. I kept telling my Mark to shoot but he kept saying he wasn’t sure if it was ‘legal’ size. I knew it was but I think he just got buck fever and froze. Well, we all laughed for many years to come when we recalled the story and his statement (once he really saw the buck): “He’s got a freakin’ Christmas tree on his head!” Yes, he was a huge – more than a legal buck, who is probably still laughing at us. Hubby never took a shot!! J

I could recite story after story about our love and the life we shared for more than 30 years, but I could never do justice to the man I knew and miss to the depths of my being.

I will share this one special story, however. In the final months before his passing, I found out that he was trying to sell his 2 treasured possessions: his 1949 Chevy pick-up and his 243 rifle. Those were two things he absolutely treasured! He knew he was in his last months and wanted to purchase something for me and was willing to sell those items. I was in denial about how ill he really was and put a stop to the sell. He was heartbroken that I wouldn’t let him get rid of those things, because he wanted to give me a gift of a professional grade digital camera, and that was the only way he could do it. He was such a man of sacrifice and always wanted me to have my heart’s desire. Our oldest son now has those two precious items of Mark’s, and I have my camera (only God could work that out).

I’m thankful for this man who taught me to lean on him and be independent at the same time. He taught me to fix cars, garbage disposals, and fences; how to paint and use power tools. He encouraged me to make good financial choices, be a part of family decisions and learn new things. He just never taught me how to live without him. And friends, it has been hard, plain and simple. I love him, I miss him and it is just painful without him.

Yet, I am moving forward with this new life God has set before me. I wake up each day knowing that there is a God given purpose for my future, but it is hard to let go of the love of my past. I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am to have been blessed with such a man and such a marriage. He truly was my soul mate and for all that God blessed us with I. Am. Truly. Grateful.

The Hunter (a Guest Post by Renee Barnhouse)

A Love Worth Sharing (a Guest Post by Cindy Cain)