Leah Stirewalt

It’s here…the week that many widows and other single women (and men, for that matter) dread. The week of love, candy hearts, romantic dinners, bouquets of flowers, love letters, cards, and attention. Valentine’s week.

For this young widow, I never really expected this first Valentine’s Day without my Chris to be that difficult. I thought it might be a little sad, but for some odd reason, I wasn’t planning on it being one of the holidays that I thought would sideswipe me with painful grief. I was wrong. It has. And, it’s not even here yet. My precious Valentine is in Heaven, and I can’t be with him this year. And, you know what? It really stinks. How’s that for poetic honesty?

However, I’m not alone. There are widows all over this country that will not be celebrating with their loved one but rather remembering their precious Valentine now in Heaven with my Chris. This week, I’ve chosen to honor the memory of several of these men. I’ve asked a few of my widow friends to write a post sharing about their beloved husbands – now in the arms of Jesus. This website is just one place this week they have to honor their true loves – the men they cherish and miss dearly. I wanted to give these ladies a chance to share with those in my little blog community how love looks from a widow’s perspective. And…we widows know how to love deeply…perhaps more than we ever thought possible, especially now.

Beginning tomorrow (Monday), I invite you to stop in each day this week and read about these precious guys and share a little blog love with their sweet gals left here without them for a little while longer.

And…I also invite you to remember widows (and other lonely women – single, divorced, separated – for that matter) in your own circle of influence this week – especially Tuesday. Give them a hug, maybe surprise them with a plant or send them some flowers at home or work. How about a surprise on their desk at work or their doorstep? Maybe a card in the mail just to say you care? How about a phone call to let them know they are loved? The possibilities are endless, but the tangible love you might choose to share with a grieving widow this week will not be forgotten. And…our Father in Heaven will bless you for blessing those that He’s commanded us to bless in His Word.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27 

I sit here typing these words completely EXHAUSTED.

No energy. Little desire. Brain drained. How’s that for some good news and encouragement?

I so badly wish I could bring you a post full of joy and wisdom. But, I simply don’t have it today. But, I can promise you that I’ll bring you a post reflecting an authentic me. I hope you don’t mind a little truth…transparency. Because, here it comes…

In trying to figure to figure out how I got to this emotional/physical place, I discovered several things I’ve been doing…

1. Staying up way too late
2. Eating the wrong foods (i.e. not cooking healthy meals at home)
3. Playing mindless games on the computer
4. Procrastinating with everything
5. Forgetting important details
6. Stressing over the fact that I’ve gained some weight
7. Eating/drinking too much sugar

So why in the world am I doing these things you might ask?

1. I’m staying up too late, because I’m not getting anything worthwhile done in the early evening hours.
2. I’m not cooking healthy meals at home, because I can’t think through processing a grocery list, making menus, and cooking.
3. I’m playing mindless games on the computer, because it’s just that…mindless.
4. I’m procrastinating with everything, because I don’t want to deal with it now.
5. I’m forgetting important details, because I’ve lost complete control over my organized personal life. Somehow I’m staying organized at work, but my personal life…that’s another story.
6. I’m stressing over the fact that I’ve gained some weight, because I look terrible and feel miserable but have no energy to do anything about it.
7. I’m eating and drinking too much sugar, because it makes me feel good – temporarily – until I step on the scale.

There you have it friends. That’s where I am in my grief journey. Not a great or healthy place to be. And, I think I’ve finally hit a brick wall. I’m at the place where I can’t take this vicious cycle anymore and yet I’m too exhausted to figure it out.

BUT…I’m drawing a line in the sand…RIGHT NOW.

It is written… “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” ~Matthew 11:28

My name – Leah – actually means “weary”. Go figure.

But, here I am sweet Lord, seeking the rest that You promise to give me as I come to You. I trust You – only You. Help me to become the woman You’ve crafted me to be. Allow me to reflect You in all Your glory! Heal me. Teach me. Change me. Mold me. Shape me more into Your likeness. I LONG to be more like You! Forgive me Lord for being anything less than what You’ve created me to be.