Leah Stirewalt

In one of my favorite devotionals I tend to read year-after-year, Jesus Calling, I was nailed with this one yesterday morning…

Do not long for the absence of problems in your life. That is an unrealistic goal, since in this world you will have trouble (John 16:33). You have an eternity of problem-free living reserved for you in heaven. Rejoice in that inheritance, which no one can take away from you, but do not seek your heaven on earth.

That last phrase knocked me right between the eyes…

“but do not seek your heaven on earth.”

That’s it. That’s what I’ve been doing since Joel abruptly went to Home to Heaven nearly three months ago.

I’ve been doing everything I can to make Heaven feel very, very close. Especially for my children. I don’t want them to be afraid of death, but I also don’t want them to miss out on this life while we have it. Balancing the two is tough when the one we love the most (second to Jesus) is in our eternal Home.

I tell friends all the time, “I LONG for Heaven.” Not in the sense I’m speaking morbidly and wish my life would end. Not at all. Rather, I long for this earthly chaotic mess to be transformed, which it will be when Christ returns and for me to be transported Home. THAT…I long for. I long for my eternal Home. And…watching this world get darker and darker and now not having my precious Joel by my side to share my struggles and dreams with; to plan out our days and future; to encourage each other; and to cuddle up beside him each night, feeling safe and secure in the comfort only his arms would bring…oh, how I long for Heaven!

I know God isn’t finished with me yet, or I’d be there already. I still have children that need to know Him as Savior. I still have a purpose He wants me to fulfill. While I know these things to be true…I still LONG to be with Him forever and to be reunited with my loves who have gone before me. Oh what a glorious day that will be!

Maranatha! Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Joel always called his first-born, his precious daughter Amy, his “go girl”. I’ll be honest…I never asked the meaning behind the name. So, I don’t know what it meant between the two of them. But…she is definitely a go woman!

As another first-born, I can resonate greatly with many of the things Amy does, as there are many commonalities among first borns. She’s a great leader among her family. Although, her only biological siblings are boys, she still has the position of “leader” among her brothers, possessing that first-born status.

I remember the first time I met Amy…she was quite respectful of her dad’s new fiancee, as we met after Joel had already proposed to me. I’m sure it had to be an awkward moment (or season, in general). For me, I felt like I was going into this family as an underdog with a lot to “prove”, but Amy never made me feel that way. She and her husband, Wes, already had their first child – precious Noelle – who was 9 months old when I first met her. I fell in love with the little girl who would one day call me Grandma Leah for the first time and completely melt my heart. She still has the ability to do that (along with her little brother, Micah).

Amy has always treated me with respect, honor, and with great friendship. When I came onto the scene…she was already a happily married, adult woman and mother and didn’t need any mothering herself, but I was thrilled to gain a new friend…who just happened to be the first born of my new husband-to-be.

I could go on-and-on about the many exemplary qualities of Amy…incredible wife, stay-at home mom, part-time employee, crafty chica, follower and disciple of Christ, wise and loving big sister, athletic, free-spirited, and selfless in the way she cares for others…especially her family.

When I knew her daddy’s health was taking a downward turn, she asked me over the phone if she should come to the hospital (a 3 hour drive away from her home), and I said, “Yes!”. I didn’t know then he would be leaving us so soon for his heavenly home, but I knew his health was serious enough to have his “Go Girl” nearby…just in case. And…selfishly…I needed her there as a buffer for her brothers. I didn’t have the emotional capability to be strong any longer, and I knew she’d be able to communicate to them on my behalf.

And communicate she did.

She had the wisdom to FaceTime two of her brothers in from Oklahoma and another from London, England so that they could all be present when their daddy took his final breath on earth. As heartbreaking as it was to watch and be present for, I’m so thankful she offered that gift to her brothers.

Amy is strong…emotionally and physically. I’ll never forget the day she asked me if she could be a pall bearer for her daddy. I’ll be honest, I never even thought to offer that to her. I guess I’m of the old school thinking that men typically fulfill that role, but when she asked me…I knew “of course” Joel’s Go Girl needed to help carry him to his final resting place on this earth. It broke my heart but made me proud, all at the same time.

Yesterday…she did it again. She and her family were at our house this weekend. I mentioned a patch of grass that was inadvertently missed the other day when a friend came to mow our grass. She quickly offered to do it herself and to take Austyn with her. I mentioned to her, “You know…the last time your dad mowed this grass, he took Austyn with him, and he fell asleep on his lap.” And…you know what…he did the same yesterday with his big sister.

I can’t thank God enough for this precious woman. The fact that she’s my step-daughter (I prefer to say “Bonus Daughter”) is just icing on the cake, but she’s a great friend, a loving big sister, and incredible wife and mother, and she’ll always be her daddy’s Go Girl!

I love you Amy!

I’ve Been Doing This All Wrong!

His “Go Girl”