Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

Through Foster Parenting Eyes

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outofdeepwaters.orgI don’t think it’s a big secret that God gave Joel and I huge hearts for children in need of a home. Whether it’s for short-term placement (fostering) or a forever family (adoption), God has prepped us for this season of our life in life-altering ways.

As many of you know, we are currently in the process of adopting a sibling group from a country in Eastern Europe. We are definitely moving through the process, but it’s still a long journey! Our dossier is now in-country and has been translated, and we are waiting on the stamp of approval from the Ministry of Justice’s office, and the next step is a referral (wait time is currently 6-24 months)!

I’ve spoken at length about our adoption journey, and you can certainly read even more about it here and here! But, something I haven’t spoken about much is our experience with foster parenting.

In all honesty…it’s been a little tougher to wrap our heads around. Each placement situation has been drastically different, but I can start by saying it’s been one of the toughest and yet most rewarding experiences of our lives.

To bring you up to speed, we began our fostering journey a little over a year ago when we attended an orientation session at our local county Department of Health and Human Services. The very next week, we began MAPP classes, the state required 30-hour training session. We met with other foster-parent hopefuls for three hours over the course of each of the next 10 weeks and had our minds blown both by the blessings and nightmares in the foster care world.

After completing all requirements for licensure, our paperwork was submitted to the state for approval in late April/early May, and we received our license in June!

We’ve had a couple placements come and go already…one lasted two months but needed more therapeutic care than we were trained to provide. Another lasted only four days and then went to live with a grandparent. Even after only four days, we were attached.

The little bundle of cuteness we currently have living with us has been in our home for five months. He arrived when he was 6.5 months old, and we’ll be celebrating his first birthday later this month. When we “signed up” to be foster parents, we indicated our age preference to be 3-8-years-old. Caring for an infant never even crossed our minds as something we could do. We’ve quickly discovered it isn’t something we can do – only with God’s help have we even made it this far. But, we know He called us to do this, and He’ll equip us each step of the way.

Unlike with adoption, the biggest difference with foster parenting is in the fact the children will more than likely be returning home one day. We knew that when beginning this journey, but we began it nonetheless…out of obedience to what we know God called us to do. Even so, I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve heard things like…

“I could never give up a child.”

“How are you going to be able to send him back one day?”

“This is why I could never foster…having to send the children back home one day.”

I understand those statements. Truly I do. But, I can’t help but feel like a knife is being thrust into my heart whenever one of those comments passes my ears. And…each and every single time, the knife gets lodged deeper and deeper.

The truth of the matter is this…

In my flesh, I could never give up a child either. But, these children do not belong to us. Even if they were our biological children, they still don’t belong to us. All of our children…biological, adopted, fostered…belong to God. In essence, God has “loaned” them to us to love and care for until He calls them into the next phase of His plan…marriage, career, reunification with bio parents, etc. and one day – their eternal home.

A sweet friend was the one who recently shared that she could never foster children, because she would never be able to send them back home. At first, those words hurt…as if to say, I was some kind of a monster for being able to do such a thing. Honestly, it pains me more to think that these children may have to go back into some of those environments. But, imagine if everybody felt the way my friend did. What would happen to the children that can no longer remain in their biological homes (at least, for now)? Where would these children go then? An orphanage? Or perhaps remain in those often dangerous and dire home situations a little longer while the state seeks placement? I shudder to think of the alternatives.

Foster parents are drastically needed right now. I know fostering is not for everybody, and God doesn’t call everyone to foster. But, if God has been tugging at your heart to do this, I plead with you to be obedient to that calling. No matter how hard this might be, He will equip you to fulfill His calling! And, if you know this is an area He hasn’t called you to and never will…would you commit to pray for those on the front lines…those who have opened their doors to accept these fragile and often brokenhearted children? Your prayers make more of a difference than you may ever know in this lifetime.

 

Big News to Share!

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I am so very, very excited to share some BIG news from our family to all of you!

God has been working this out in our hearts long before Joel and I ever met, but it’s exciting to see it finally come to fruition. I’ll give you the news first (no…you don’t have to wait until the end of the post…you’re welcome…ha!), but keep reading for more of the details!

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We are in the process of adopting!


For those of you that have been following Out of Deep Waters for any length of time know that God called me to adoption when I was still a widow. At that time, it looked a little differently than it will this time. God also started tugging at Joel’s heart about adoption before he even knew I existed. So, you can imagine that during one of our first conversations…the topic of adoption came up! I shared with Joel then how I was pursuing adoption of a little girl in Africa.

Fast forwarding the story a bit, Joel and I ended up getting married in August, 2012. The adoption process was placed on pause for a little while until we passed the one-year anniversary mark (as most countries understandably will not allow adoptions for couples married less than a year, some even longer). Additionally, we had a crazy-busy first year of marriage, and God knew we needed that down time before embarking upon this exciting, yet somewhat overwhelming, new adventure together.

Last fall we knew that God had given us the nod to proceed. It took us until early 2014 to actually start taking baby steps in that direction again, but once we did, the ball started rolling pretty quickly.

We are once again working with the same agency I worked with before, and we are further in the process than I ever was the first time. However, all donations received previously have been transferred to this adoption, and we are so excited to see God already working in the area of provision!

There are many facets of this adoption that we are unable to share just yet, because of safety reasons for the children involved, but here are some facts:

  • We are adopting from Bulgaria.

  • We are seeking to adopt a sibling group.

  • We are looking at children ages 3-8.

  • We HAVE begun our home study process, and that will ultimately determine much of the above.

Friends – we know that we’ve been called to adopt. And, this is going to be hard, but as a wise friend shared recently with me, “God doesn’t call us to do hard. He calls us to do the impossible.” And she’s right! God often calls us to do those things that seem impossible, because ultimately He gets the glory!

  • It’s impossible for us to imagine ever getting through all the required paperwork.

  • It’s impossible for us pay for this. Impossible.

  • It’s impossible for us to even fundraise nearly $40,000+ to cover these expenses.

  • It’s impossible for us to parent children that won’t speak a lick of English when we meet them for the first time.

  • It’s impossible to share our heart’s passion for the orphan and express our desire to obey in this calling effectively.

But, God will make all this possible. It’s His money. These are His children. WE are His children.

We are excited, and a bit overwhelmed if truth be told, about this journey. As a result, we humbly ask you to pray! We know that prayer is vital in all of this. We prayed before, we’re praying now, and we’ll continue praying even after these children are home. But…we need others on their knees along with us. Will you join us in praying?

Please pray also about how God might be asking you to help. And…we’re not just talking about money. There are so many ways to help us bring our children home that don’t just involve giving cash (although that’s needed too!). We’ll be providing more details about our adoption process and ways to come alongside us as the days, weeks, and months progress! Stay tuned…and please pray!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27