widow Archives - Page 19 of 22

In anticipation of the 5-year anniversary of my late husband’s death just around the corner, I continue to reflect on that journey of widowhood. Here’s another repost from that season of my life. I stand in awe at how far God has restored my life from those dark days.

One thing I’ve strived to do throughout this process is be as transparent as I feel safe in doing, because I want people to know what this feels like for three main reasons:

(1) I want other women who have found themselves walking Grief Road as a widow to know they’re not alone…that God allows us to comfort each other with the comfort He also has given us. We are at varying phases of the journey, and our journeys are certainly not the same. Each Grief Road is like a snowflake, in my opinion. No two are the same, yet there are enough similarities that they are relatable.

(2) In the case someone reading this might have ever contemplated suicide, I pray the pain and the “after effects” of making such a final decision stay clearly in the front of their mind, causing that to never take place. I want hurting people to read my words and see the pain it causes those left behind and maybe…just maybe…it will be enough to say “it’s not worth it”.

(3) I pray those in the body of Christ who haven’t ever been affected by death first-hand, or in a long time, learns how badly the population of widows needs you. The Lord, in His Word, is very clear about how much He cares for orphans and widows and the mandate He gives in caring for them. I am the first to admit, I was much happier to jump on the orphan advocacy “train” before colliding with the widow train head on. But, God never differentiated between the two by saying one was more important to care for than the other. We’ve made that differentiation on our own. I hate to admit…I was in that group. So, I pray my posts help to awaken a need…a deep need in the church. I have been blessed to be cared for by several in my church body quite well, but I know how easy it is to dismiss widows, in general.

Even saying all of that, there is still much I don’t share. It’s too personal. It’s too painful. I don’t believe it will edify anybody if I write it on this format. And…so, I don’t. The snippets of this journey I share on this platform are just that…snippets. Oh, friends, there is so much more. So, very much more. In time, maybe God will allow me to share more.

So, where am I now? Tomorrow marks eight months since my husband was first discovered missing. Eight months since my living nightmare began. And, in eight months, I’m still deeply hurting, questioning, and aching. But, I’ve also seen Christ reach down and meet me where I’m at, pull me out of the mire, refresh my weary soul, and begin a process of restoration. A slow beginning, but a beginning nonetheless. And…so I let Him. I have been quieter than normal, because I’m listening a lot more.

There are still many firsts ahead to embrace…my first birthday without him later this month (turning 40, on top of that), Valentine’s Day, Easter, the first anniversary of his death, and those are just the major ones. But, I’m still trusting in God’s greater plan through all of this.

Just last weekend, I challenged Him with a question…one I hadn’t asked of the Lord before, but I finally did…

Lord, why didn’t You stop him? You could have. I know You could have. Why did You let him take his own life? I know we have free will and all, but he loved You. You would have only had to whisper a word, and he would still be in my arms today. So, what is it Lord that kept that from happening? Why is he with You now instead of with me?

The answer came…immediately…

It was one of those moments I wish I could have back, because I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there. I was sitting in my recliner in the bedroom…SOBBING…crying out to the Lord…begging for answers. Right after asking the questions…a calming peace swept over me like I’ve never experienced. In. My. Life. Seriously! And then came the inaudible answer…

Because, I will be more glorified in his death than in his life.

The sobbing stopped. Immediately. I was simply stunned, as I sat there. And, then I knew. He was right! He’s always right! He’s God! I pondered back to many other people who predeceased Chris. Others who died too young or in ways that seemed unfair. And, each time God appears to have been way more glorified in their deaths.

May it be so, Lord! May it please be so!

I have a feeling you know her. Maybe not all of you, but I would venture to say that most of you do.

She’s the worn-looking lady down the street with the three rowdy children that frustrate you frequently.

She’s the sweet white-haired woman that you faithfully find at church in the same seat on the second row.

She’s the one in line in front of you at the grocery store spending the last of that week’s paycheck and scrounging for one more dime.

She’s the white-collar executive that drives the fancy sports car yet never looks happy to be living that carefree life she loves to display.

She’s your child or grandchild’s teacher at school they always complain about, because she’s running low on patience.

She’s the greeter at church that flashes her pearly whites each Sunday to mask the flood of tears on the verge of spilling out of her eyes.

She’s the teller at your local bank with the scowl across her forehead.

She’s the blogger who has openly shared her challenging journey.

She’s the one you cut off on the interstate the other day, because she was daydreaming and driving a bit too slow for your liking.

She’s the one spending Thanksgiving alone this year.

She’s the one who volunteered to work at the diner Christmas Day, because she has nobody to spend it with anyway.

She’s the widow often forgotten.

I know her well. I used to be her.

I’ll never forget the first Christmas after becoming a widow. I dreaded it with a passion, because families everywhere would be enjoying that special time together, and my daughter and I would be spending our first Christmas without my late husband.

I begged God to allow me to smile that first Christmas even though everything within me didn’t know how to show happiness. I asked Him to allow my daughter and me to feel His love in tangible ways. I prayed that although that first Christmas was expected to be quite hard, I wanted to experience true joy within the season.

God answered each of those prayers exponentially!

Most of the smiles I displayed or the joy I felt or the tangible love of God that surrounded me came as a result of others taking time to love on us. I wrote about a group of “angels” who, to this day still remain anonymous, blessed us immensely (you can read that post HERE)! These “angels”, as I fondly call them, became Jesus with skin on to my daughter and me. They helped to make each of the twelve days leading up Christmas something we looked forward to waking up to greet. They allowed us to know that we were not forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyone else’s busy season.

As Christmas nears again this year, my mind returns to that first Christmas as a widow, and I think about “her” – another lady experiencing that first Christmas without her husband. Or – perhaps – it’s a precious lady who’s been a widow for twenty + years but continues to dread this holiday season, because it brings nothing but sadness.

And so…I challenge you. I challenge you to think past the busyness that you’ll encounter this season and try to find a widow to bless. A neighbor…a co-worker…a church member…

There are so many things that you can do to help make her season a little brighter:

1) Invite her over for a meal (especially on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day).

2) Take her a basket of homemade goodies.

3) Make her a stocking and fill with little mementos or gift cards to show you care.

4) Offer to help decorate her house for Christmas and bring a tree if needed.

5) Be a Christmas “12 Days of Christmas Angel” anonymously – read more HERE!

6) Take her to an area Christmas program.

7) Fill her pantry for the rest of the month.

8) Invite her over to spend Christmas with your family.

9) Take her to a Christmas Eve service.

10) Do something else creative to let this precious widow know she’s loved and not forgotten this season.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget those who are hurting around us (especially during this season). Allow God to use you and your family to bless His precious widowed daughters this Christmas. I promise…it’ll be a Christmas neither of you will ever forget.

~A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5, NIV)

The Answer…a Repost!

Maybe You Know Her