In case you didn’t read Sunday’s post, I’m doing something a little different this week. In honor of Valentine’s Week, I’ve chosen to host a series of guest posts from some widow friends of mine. Each of these lovely gals will be sharing about their Valentine that now lives in Heaven. Yesterday, I was thrilled to introduce you to Candy, who shared about her precious Valentine, Bob. Today, I’m equally honored to introduce you to another new widow friend of mine, Sheila Rye. I met Sheila through another widow ministry that I write for monthly. Sheila has only been widowed for slightly over 3 months, and today happens to be her anniversary. So, this is a double bittersweet day for her. You can read more about Sheila in her personal blog our journey to a “new normal”. Today, please give Sheila a warm welcome and lots of Valentine love, as this day is bound to be harder for her than most, as she remembers her sweet Valentine on what would have been their 20th wedding anniversary. And now…here’s Sheila…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweet Leah has invited me to share about my “Valentine” during her tribute to our “Valentines” this week, and I am so honored to be here! For me to share what’s on my heart about my Valentine cannot be “condensed” into a blog post, yet, I will attempt here to give some HIGHLIGHTS about my BEST FRIEND who is now enjoying all the glories of Heaven . . . just waiting for me when it’s my turn. My wish is that even in Rick’s death, I can bring GLORY TO GOD!

February 14, 1992 . . . The day that my “fairy tale” became my “real life”!  On that day, in my brother-in-law & sister-in-law’s living room in Marietta, Georgia, I married my best friend! As the years went on, we both agreed that a Valentine’s Day Wedding WAS in reality a little bit corny, but at the time, it seemed like a GREAT idea! Besides being romantic, it was one less holiday for Rick to have to remember – he could cover two in one day – a win-win for him! Each year when my birthday or Christmas rolled around, I reminded him that he really had been given a 365 day warning of the event, yet it ALWAYS seemed to “sneak up” on him!

Rick brought 2 wonderful kids into our marriage and we went on to have 3 beautiful daughters together. Life as a step-mom wasn’t always easy, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of any of it. The 2 “big” kids, their spouses (Nick {son} & Ashley Marie and Ashley Beth {daughter} & Brian) and their children (my {gasp!} grandbabies-Presten, Daila, Maddie, Ty & Lila) are some of the best gifts I have ever been given! In addition to the 2 “bigs”, 3 “littles” were added to our family! In 1994 Tessa Joy was born, in 1997 Taya Jill came along and in 1999 Kajsa Jo surprised us! Each of them, along with their big brother & sister, added immeasurable joy to our marriage and our lives!

I remember Rick once telling me that my mom had pulled him aside to thank him. When I asked what she thanked him for, he said, “She thanked me for making you so happy”! When I look back on it, that is a huge compliment for a mother-in-law to give, yet it was so true. Rick made me HAPPY! Rick loved me UNCONDITIONALLY. After God, he loved me and the kids with a love that I never questioned. Close behind God and his family, were his love for ALL THINGS hunting and his GREEN BAY PACKERS!

Rick and I enjoyed a fairly quiet life together, both being involved in our church and in the lives of our children. We had dreams of someday taking our dream vacation to Alaska, and building a log home, but we were content to just be together, even if those “grand” dreams never came true!

Today, Valentine’s Day 2012, was to be a milestone. This would have been our 20^th Anniversary. I had a few ideas in mind how to surprise him for this special day . . .  maybe a nice dinner, and a night at a romantic hotel? I had even thought of mentioning to him renewing our wedding vows. Both sets of our parents have been married for 50+ years, but in this day and age, even 20 is an accomplishment. I can honestly say that as this milestone approached, I loved Rick even more than I did on the day we got married! Life wasn’t perfect. We had disagreements. I thought he hunted too much. He probably thought I shopped too much! He was patient. I am impatient! He was soft-spoken and gentle. I’m not!  But . . . we both loved the Packers! We both loved our kids! We both loved our friends! We both loved GOD! From the beginning, God was the CENTER of our lives. We had a song played at our wedding by Mickey & Becky Moore called “Love Song for Number Two”. It’s kind of a “ballad-y” (is THAT a word?!) song, but the message still rings true . . . “It’s not that I love you less than best ‘cause each day I love you more and more, but there can only be one First Place in my life and you know Who that’s for, My Lord”.

Rickey Roger Rye (yes that was his “real” name – which I had to explain to the doctor’s office, insurance companies and many others so many times!) was a kind and gentle man. He really did have a heart of gold! His former brother-in-law once said, “You could stand on Rick’s tongue and he wouldn’t get mad at you”! (This would end up being the same brother-in-law who “buried” Rick for us as he is the local funeral director). Because of this gentle, giving spirit, when Rick went and asked a friend about buying some bear bait (remember – he loved ALL THINGS hunting!), he was more than willing to barter for the bear bait. This friend had suffered a heart attack and would have trouble cutting firewood this fall and his home needed a new roof. Rick spent many Saturday mornings and some evenings cutting wood and re-roofing this home. Rick spent hours and hours on rooftops as he worked in the construction business his entire life – he walked like a cat on a roof – I shake standing on a chair to reach something from the top shelf! Yet, this day, this last day of that re-roofing job, something happened. The ladder shifted, Rick lost his balance . . .  and on November 5, 2011, I had to choose if I really believed that song played at my wedding and believed that GOD was my FIRST PLACE . . . On that day, I was visited by a policeman (who is a GOOD friend of our family) in my driveway telling me that “There’s been an accident.” My Pastor & wife were there with the Officer (that’s when I KNEW it wasn’t good), to bring us to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital (an almost 30 minute drive from home during which we made many frantic phone calls to family and friends), we were brought to an EMPTY room where a doctor and a nurse soon joined us. I will never forget the feelings of that moment, I feel them as I type this, 3 months later. When the doctor gently started with, “I’m sorry, Rickey didn’t make it” {GASP}, I will also never forget that my FIRST words to the girls (2 of them were with me) were, “Daddy is in Heaven”.  Yes, at that moment, I had to CHOOSE – did I believe it, was GOD my FIRST PLACE and could I trust Him even in this? My answer was a YES, and He has continued to carry us gently along this journey.

“Love”, “Affection”, “Sweetheart” . . . These and more are the “loving” words that I found when I looked up the word “Valentine” on Dictionary.com. These and more are the words I would use to describe Rick. These and SO MUCH more are the words I would use to describe the {almost} 20 years that I called Rick my husband. These and SO MUCH more are the words I would use to describe the BLESSING of a “fairy tale” love that I was blessed with when I married Rick.  These and SO MUCH more are the words that I MUST use to describe my LORD and SAVIOR!

As my 20 year anniversary to my BEST FRIEND arrives, without him by my side, I will be sad (more than I can adequately express in words). I will wish I could have had this special day to spend with him (oh, how I wish that). I will think of all of the “could-have-beens”. I will grieve my loss. BUT, there-in lies my HOPE! I will grieve MY loss. For my LOSS truly was Rick’s gain. As the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ and to die is GAIN”! I know that I grieve my loss on this day and every day. I also believe with all that is within me that Rick is more alive than ever today. He is already enjoying the glories of his Eternal Heavenly home and waiting there patiently (as always) until God calls me home too. Until that time, I will share of God’s goodness to us, His overwhelming love for the “widows” and “orphans”, so that maybe, just maybe ONE person will put their trust in the LORD and join Rick in Heaven when their days on earth are through!

I have been comforted by scripture so much during these past few months, and one passage that I have always loved is Psalm 139. I especially love the last part of verse 16: “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me.” God does NOT make mistakes. God has numbered my days (even before I was formed) and God numbered Rick’s days. HE KNEW that Rick would take his last earthly breath on November 5, 2011, so I MUST trust that even in this, God has a PLAN for me!

Psalm 139:1-6 & 13-16 ESV

1 – 6  O LORD, you have searched me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

13 – 16  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;  my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,  when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

In case you didn’t read yesterday’s post, I’m doing something a little different this week. In honor of Valentine’s Week, I’ve chosen to host a series of guest posts from some widow friends of mine. Each of these lovely gals will be sharing about their Valentine that now lives in Heaven. I’m honored to introduce a relatively new widow friend of mine today, Candy Feathers. I met Candy through this unique blog world, and we became fast cyber friends. She’s been widowed for 27 months, and I am grateful to have her to lean on for wisdom and advice, as she’s traveled Grief Road a little longer than me. Candy writes frequently on her own blog Reflections From My Porch Swing. Join me in welcoming Candy to this blog community, and please give her a little Valentine blog love as she shares about her Valentine, Bob. Here’s Candy…

My Husband

In August of 1972, I boarded a Greyhound bus and headed to my 2^nd year of college. Because I was a work scholarship student, I arrived 2 weeks earlier than the other students.  At the end of those first 2 weeks the college was having a picnic and all the work scholarship students were playing softball. I slid into home base trying to score a run and ran into this good-looking muscular blonde guy who didn’t move off the plate. Results – I tore ligaments in my ankle and met my future husband.

I was 19 years old at the time and had never been on a date. My husband was my first and he became my forever date when we were married June 22, 1973. He truly was the one and only man ever in my life. He wasn’t a perfect man because after all, there are no perfect men. But, he was the man that God made specifically for me.

Bob had an Associate Degree in Mechanical Technology and also a B.S. Degree in Secondary Education with majors in math and physical education, but spent the majority of our married life working as Emissions Lab Manager at Nissan North America. He had this gift of being able to fix just about anything and everything and saved us thousands of dollars in our over 36 years of marriage.

Being a dad to our 4 daughters was something that he did wonderfully well. He was strict with them, but peppered that strictness with lots of love. During the last few months of his life, they took turns spending the night with him in the hospital. We never left him alone either day or night.

He taught our girls to work well and work hard, and they were and still are in high demand by employers even though 3 of them now work at home as wives, mothers, and 2 as home school teachers. If you were to ask them what their dad was like, they would tell you that he was a man of great integrity and dependability. He loved the Lord first, and then his wife, daughters, and others. Bob taught the girls by example how very important it is to love God and live life for Him.

Our sons-in-law were very important to him and he had a burden to share with them all the things he had learned and was learning about being a good husband and father. Every year we would have either Thanksgiving or Christmas with all of our girls and their families together. Bob had what our sons-in-law lovingly called “Pa’s Garage Talk” where he would take the guys aside and spend time sharing with them. They told me how very much they always looked forward to those talks.

Bob loved others and had a small, seemingly insignificant ministry repairing lawn mowers, riding mowers, weed eaters, and chain saws for those who did not have the money to have it done in a shop. Sometimes if Bob was offered money, he would charge just for the parts that he replaced, but most of the time he would not charge a dime. I saw him take parts off his own mowers when he couldn’t find the older model parts to replace for someone. That’s just the kind of man that he was. He always said, “I don’t have money to give to others, but I can use my hands to fix their mowers”.

After we had been married for 17 years, I became very ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I found out just  5 weeks ago was caused by Lyme’s Disease. If you know anything about this illness, you know that most spouses can’t deal with it and many leave their wives or husbands. I had one of those husbands that loved me in spite of it all and told me daily just how much he loved me just as I was. Bob was truly my picture on earth of God’s unconditional love.

He always dreamed of working on a ranch, but never saw that dream fulfilled. I like to think now that he’s living his dream out in heaven and that gives me so much comfort because he was such a sacrificial man that never valued himself enough.

A wife gets to know her husband well when they are married as long as I was, but I didn’t really know my husband until the last 4 ½ years of his life after he received his terminal diagnosis. I saw a faith and trust in God like I have never seen in any other person. In his last 2 months he would pray aloud and say, “It’s all about you, Lord!  It’s ALL about YOU!” or sing “God is so good!  God is so good!  God is SO GOOD, He’s SO GOOD to ME!!” with tears streaming down his cheeks.

Bob’s death was sudden and not when expected, but a few days before that morning, he said, “Candy, are you going to be alright?” He had been in the hospital for over 3 weeks.  I believe that God let him know that his time was short and his concern was not about himself but me. What great love is this! The ICU nurse who was with him at the end came to me and told me that she had seen a lot, but Bob had such a look of peace on his face right before and after his heart stopped. My husband was a gift that God gave to me and one that I will value with all of my heart forever.