To Marry or Not to Marry…That is the Question

I often get asked the question from widows about whether or not they should start dating again or potentially remarry. And…I always have an answer:

That’s totally between you and God!

Not to sound trite, but that’s truly what I believe. For those of us who claim to be Christ-followers, that’s the way it should be – right?

But I also know the pain of making decisions in my own flesh and regretting those decisions later. So, during my widowhood days, I told God (yes – I told Him, or so I thought) that I wasn’t going to get married again. It was too painful to lose a spouse, and I wasn’t going to do that again…I would just remain single.

I truly thought that’s what would happen. Ha! Ha! But through an interesting journey, God opened the marriage door for me again, and next month I celebrate one year with my prince. Sounds simple – right? Well, not so much…

As a widow, I battled the dating/remarriage idea initially, because

• I thought remarriage would dishonor my late husband
• I didn’t think I had passed the “expected” amount of time to grieve (expectation from everyone but me and God, that is)
• I didn’t want some man to think I needed him (yes – pride got in the way too)
• I thought I would enter the marriage with too much emotional baggage and didn’t want to go there
• I was under the false impression that I would play the martyr and live out the rest of my days as the poor young widow (turned old widow eventually)
• I didn’t want my friends and family to think I was just pushing my grief aside
• I was afraid of putting my daughter through the heartache of attaching herself to another father figure in case she lost him too
• And the list went on…

While many of those reasons are valid and definitely needed to be examined, I also know many women on the opposite end of the spectrum. They are begging God for a husband because

• They fear living the rest of their life alone
• They miss the companionship of having a husband around
• They feel they need a man to take care of them
• They want another daddy for their children
• Grieving hurts, and they feel remarriage would make it less painful
• And the list can go on here too…

I actually found myself at both ends of this “to marry or not to marry” spectrum at different points in my journey, and it literally drove me crazy. That is…until God got my attention.

After spending some precious time with Abba on this, He graciously showed me that I wasted more time thinking about this than praying about it. And…He was right (as always)!

And…so I prayed…and prayed…and prayed! And just when I was completely at peace with not getting married again, He brought Joel into my life.

Now…time to pause for just a moment here…I’m not saying that in every single widow situation God leads a surrendered widow to marriage. Absolutely not! As a matter of fact, there are many women who know – with absolute peace and assurance – that God never intends for them to marry again. Many widows still have that to discover on the journey. But, even so, the bottom line is that God needs to be central in that decision-making process.

As a result of knowing that God brought Joel into my life, I knew what to do when our relationship progressed and led to the discussion of marriage. God had already given me that peace during an extended time of prayer with Him. Because I handed over the question to Him…He made sure I had the right answer! To Him be all the glory!