I sat down on the couch and turned on the remote to browse for television “background noise”. I pulled my laptop closer, as I planned to spend time editing some pictures I took for a friend recently. And then I realized it. Something so minor to the “normal” person but yet so profound to this grieving widow. Actually, two significant events just took place, and I almost didn’t realize it until God pointed them out to me.

1) I turned on the TV. I. Turned. On. The. TV. This is HUGE! You’re probably thinking this lady has really flipped out now! Just stick with me for a minute, and I’ll explain.

The night my husband disappeared, the day before he was found dead, we had our usual Tuesday night family activity planned…watching The Biggest Loser! Instead of watching The Biggest Loser, I was driving around our city looking for my husband, knowing that something had to be wrong – he never missed our Tuesday Biggest Loser night! Since my husband’s passing, I haven’t watched any TV. The TV has been on some but only if my daughter has turned it on or if visiting friends have turned it on – but not by my own hand.

And so…Friday night, I sat down and turned on the TV. Granted, I turned it on to some digital music channel (just for the white noise), but I used the remote and turned it on nonetheless.

2) Not only did I turn on the TV, but I sat on the right side of the couch. Again, you’re probably wondering “what in the world”? Whenever Chris and I sat together on the couch, or cuddled on the couch, or better yet – fell asleep on the couch…he was always on the left…me on his right! We were such creatures of habit. However, after his death, I sat on the left side. Always. I think it was my way of drawing closer to him in some strange sort of way. I even slept on the couch for the first couple of weeks after He went to Heaven, and I always laid my head in the exact place where he would sit.

But, Friday night…I went back to the right hand side of the couch – where I always sat before. Again, it was completely without forethought. I just plopped down, picked up the remote, and it was then the Lord whispered to my heart,

“Look at you now my daughter! Look at where you are and what you’re doing!”

I sat slightly stunned. And, He continued…

“You may think this is insignificant, but it’s very significant. You keep saying you need to see with your eyes the healing I’m doing in your heart. Take a look and see my child. Take a look…”

The right side of the couch…the remote…and a smile on my face! Thank you Father!

I’ll admit it. I’m not the most observant person…especially when it comes to remembering what people where wearing. (Ironically, I’m very much a visual learner.) I’ve always said that I would probably never be able to identify a criminal in a lineup or anything of the sort, because I struggle to remember the details of what someone might have looked like or might have been wearing.

I came face to face with this deficit of mine when having to describe to the police back in May (when my husband was still considered missing) what he was wearing when he left the house that morning. I honestly couldn’t remember. I was mortified that my memory lack might hinder the investigation. As it turned it, he was found anyway.

Interestingly, I have been wearing a very special pendant almost everyday since about a month after Chris died. It’s quite unique, and I had never even heard of this type of thing until the funeral home offered it as a service to me. It’s called a thumbie. Yes. A thumbie. Simply put, it’s an impression of a portion of my husband’s actual thumbprint. The funeral home offered to capture his thumbprints for me and keep them on file in case I wanted to capture it in memory form (via the thumbie) down the road someday. I did ask them to go ahead and do that, and I would look into it later.

It wasn’t much later before I ordered my own thumbie pendant. You have no idea how much comfort that is around my neck. It might sound silly, but it is such a treasure to be able to reach up and rub that little thing and actually feel the ridges of my husband’s print. What a treasure!

Like me…however…there are a lot of non-observant people in this world. Or – maybe they’re are just afraid to ask about it, because I’ve been wearing it since June, and I think I’ve only had 3 people ever ask me about it. Two of them happened to be within this past week. But, the most unusual conversation I’ve had about it was tonight…at a Casting Crowns concert.

Working for a radio station AND being shutterbug…I’ve had the privilege of being able to attend several station events as the photographer. Tonight was one of those nights. Casting Crowns is on their Come to the Well tour with Lindsay McCaul, The Afters, and Sanctus Real. I had the honor of being able to meet the various artists before the concert began. When it was time to meet the Casting Crowns members, I was beyond thrilled to meet the amazing songwriter, Mark Hall. Such a down-to-earth, humble man.

3 of the Casting Crowns members (lead singer Mark Hall in the center) with Jon Matthews and me

However, the most interesting conversation I had was with Juan DeVevo – guitarist and vocalist with Casting Crowns. He spotted my thumbie – kept staring at it actually and then asked the question, “What exactly is that  you’re wearing if I may ask?”

I thought he meant my station badge or nametag at first – ha! ha! – but, I quickly realized he was referring to my thumbie. I paused. Oh boy. I’m not often asked this question and certainly didn’t expect a Casting Crowns band member to even look my way long enough to notice my necklace.

And, so I shared. I told Juan what it was…what it stood for…and briefly that my husband went home to be with the Lord in May. I think I shocked him actually. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting, but he was so gracious with his response. And, I was so thankful that God gave me the grace to share about it without curling up into a ball of tears! He is so good to me!

You just never know who might be paying attention…

What a fun evening!

Me, Juan DeVevo, and Jon Matthews (I’m wearing the thumbie – you can see it if you look closely.)