Blog - Leah Stirewalt

I’ve been a little “blog quiet” for about a week. Sometimes, when God is working on me most…I have the least to offer. I tend to recede into those spirit-filled oases of His love only to come out hungering and thirsting for more of Him. That’s a glimpse of what’s been taking place this week.

I found myself, first, in a desert. A very dry desert. Actually, it felt more like quicksand. I could feel I was slipping again…into a “grief abyss”. What’s toughest about these moments is that I can’t come home and share with my husband…my best friend, since he’s the source of my grief. I know I can always talk to God, and I do. But, sometimes…I need the tangible love of God’s children, and I need their prayers immensely. So, I resort to the only thing I know in my darkest hours of need…email. Yes. Technology’s finest…email shout-outs for help. Simply…I sent an email last week to some some special prayer warriors simply saying, “I’m sinking. I need prayers. Thank you.” And they prayed. And, I began another ascent out of the pit.

I spent much of the weekend with friends. Sharing. Lots of sharing. And…I ascended more out of the pit.

I spent the last part of the weekend really asking the question of God…what’s next? Specifically, what’s next in ministry? I’ve got to know that He has a plan for me to glorify Him through this tragedy. I’ve got to know that Chris’ suicide was not in vain. I’ve got to know that God still entrusts me to speak…a call I received years ago but only acted upon in recent years. I’ve just got to know…

I’ve been praying for ministry opportunities but in God’s timing. I’m willing to do whatever He asks me to do whenever He asks me to do it, but I’ve got to know it’s of Him. And so…the question I felt He spoke back to my heart in response to my “what’s next?” question of Him…

What are you passionate about?

This one puzzled me. Well, you Lord, of course.

That’s not what I’m asking. What drives you to serve Me on earth?

Ahhh. Ok. Now, I’m starting to see. In short, Your sacrificial love for me.

Who else needs to hear this message?

Lost people.

Yes, my daughter, you are correct. Who else needs to hear this message?

Lost Christians.

(I could almost hear Him chuckle at my oxymoron expression.) Tell me more.

Lord, I’m passionate to serve Christians that feel inadequate to serve you and feel ineffective in life, in general, because of their dysfunctional pasts. I’m passionate to show “Lost Christians” – Christians lost in a sea of regret – how you can use them most, because they have the ability to know you best if they would just open up and allow themselves to be delivered of their brokenness and to be healed from past hurts and shattered hearts. I’m passionate to serve these people, because I’ve been there. And…I know the type of deliverance You bring. And…I’m especially passionate about serving Lost Christians, because as they are reengaged in life…there are more of us equipped to serve in the “harvest field” to seek the lost people that you so long to have in your eternal family. Hurting people hurt people. Delivered people lead people to the Great Deliverer.

Yes, my daughter. I think you know your passion. So, I ask you again…what drives you to serve me on this earth?

Lost people and hurting, broken, “lost” Christians.

You are ready again. Go, and serve. I will open the doors you are to walk through.

And, out of the pit I climb. Dusted off and ready for action.

“I’m praying for you.”

“We’re keeping you in our prayers.”

“I said a little prayer for you today.”

“Praying…”

These are all statements that make me smile…and cringe…all at the same time. Yes. I just said it. Sometimes, having someone say, “I’m praying for you” makes me cringe, because it often means nothing more than a greeting. Like “see ya later” or “catch up with ya soon”.

Now, before I go any further, please note…I know that there are some serious prayer warriors out there, and I am personally indebted to each of you who have lifted my name to the throne of God on countless occasions. You have no idea what your prayer love does for my grieving spirit.

But…I am also not that naive to think that everybody that tells me they’re praying for me is actually doing it. You know why? Because I used to be that person. How ’bout that for a little guilt-laced transparency?

“Back in the day”, it was a simple Christian-ese expression of mine to offer to pray for someone, or to say that I was when someone offered up their heartfelt needs for prayer. It’s not that I didn’t care. I truly did. And…my intentions to pray were always there. But, I would far too often (not always) forget to follow through on my intentions as I fell back in line with my own selfish desires. That’s painful to admit, but true.

However, that was over 8 years ago. And, since that time…you can bet your last dollar that if I tell you I’m praying for you…I’m doing it. Often – I do it right after I’m asked (if I can). It’s that important to me. I know how desperately I need the prayers of faithful people carrying me through, so I sure as well intend to be just as faithful when I pray.

People are not only counting on us to do what we say we’re doing, often they are begging us too. What if you were the one that had…

a child dying of cancer…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

a spouse that just left you…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

no job and no immediate prospects…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

a family member claiming atheism…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

a marriage on the brink of disaster…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

a home that just burned down with all of your earthly possessions…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

a spouse that just committed suicide…wouldn’t you be begging for prayer?

I shudder to think that it takes these kinds of disasters to wake us up out of the complacent places of prayer that so many of us currently live. So, today, I beg you…

Don’t tell someone you’re praying for them unless you really mean it. Your prayer just might be the only one offered up on their behalf that day, and it might be just the thing that makes their heart sing.

And, please…please…please if this is an area of struggle for you, ask God to show you a glimpse of His hurting children through His eyes. Just a glimpse. I guarantee…you’ll fall to your knees. I pray you don’t have to experience the same type of suffering to truly understand the desperate cries for prayer and the expectation that people are taking seriously your offer of prayer on their behalf.

It’s not just a salutation or a “see ya later”…to many, it’s their last hope. Think about that…your prayer…might be their last hope. You never know the power in that simple act of obedience.

I love you, and I DO pray for my blog friends! 🙂 Be blessed!