Grief / Widowhood Archives - Page 49 of 84

I love to scrapbook! I consider myself pretty crafty, in general, but there’s something about scrapbooking that puts it near the top of my fun things to do. I love how it combines my passion for photography, crafting, coordinating colors, and memory making! However, there’s one thing about scrapbooking that I don’t like…GETTING STARTED!

I don’t know why, but I struggle to actually start a new scrapbooking project. I’ll sit and ponder various ideas about how many pages I might need, which pictures need to be included, what the cover page might look like, and the list goes on endlessly. I generally end up at the point that I finally have to stop all the processing and planning and just…get…started. And…without fail…once I get started, I’m usually very productive, and the project ends up getting finished.

It’s a process.

I remember when I was early in my widowhood journey. I wanted the days to fly by. I couldn’t wait to go to bed at night so I could just go to sleep and not have to think for awhile. Thinking was hard in those earliest of days. Thinking always took me back to him and all the “why” questions still whirling around me.

All-too-often, friends (most of whom had never walked in similar shoes) told me that one day I would feel alive again. In my heart I believed them, but my head refused to let me go there just yet. It seemed too far away. I wanted to be already through that tunnel, but I wasn’t even in the middle where the light at the end would start shining.

The day came though. It took me by surprise actually. The light shone…brighter and brighter. I was gaining speed, and I was moving closer and closer to it until I finally felt it. The warmth of healing settled over me. The pain…certainly not gone forever…but, the ability to live, truly live, arrived once again.

It’s a process.

My recent journey…on the road to health and wellness…has seemed long and very curvy. I experienced about three months of incredible highs this fall only to be followed by one (what I thought to be) little choice to enjoy Thanksgiving (the food part of it, that is). I was getting so close to that first big goal of mine. What would one day off plan really hurt? Honestly? Nothing…if it had just remained one day. Instead, it turned into the week of Thanksgiving, then the Christmas season full of food fiestas followed by the actual Christmas Day meal(s).

Well, if I had given up for that long, what’s a few more days to finish out the year?

January arrived. I was still venturing widely off that road to health and wellness. I knew my birthday was around the corner, yet somehow I would stay on course until then. I had already proven at Thanksgiving, however, I couldn’t pause for just one day. Oh…the self-defeating thoughts flooded my mind.

The birthday and “fun” food came and went. The pounds came back too. Not entirely from an autumn of hard work…but enough to notice. Oh, what happened to me? Disappointment overwhelmed me. I wasn’t done. I would start again. And, I did. I had many “day 1” re-starts.

Just one more cookie, and I’ll get back on track.

Just one more dinner out, and I’ll cook my healthy meal tomorrow.

Just one more…

Even so…I refuse to quit. I refuse to throw in the towel. God is with me on this journey, and He’s not giving up on me yet. I just have to remind myself of that over and over and over. That and the fact that…

It’s a process.

I have a feeling you know her. Maybe not all of you, but I would venture to say that most of you do.

She’s the worn-looking lady down the street with the three rowdy children that frustrate you frequently.

She’s the sweet white-haired woman that you faithfully find at church in the same seat on the second row.

She’s the one in line in front of you at the grocery store spending the last of that week’s paycheck and scrounging for one more dime.

She’s the white-collar executive that drives the fancy sports car yet never looks happy to be living that carefree life she loves to display.

She’s your child or grandchild’s teacher at school they always complain about, because she’s running low on patience.

She’s the greeter at church that flashes her pearly whites each Sunday to mask the flood of tears on the verge of spilling out of her eyes.

She’s the teller at your local bank with the scowl across her forehead.

She’s the blogger who has openly shared her challenging journey.

She’s the one you cut off on the interstate the other day, because she was daydreaming and driving a bit too slow for your liking.

She’s the one spending Thanksgiving alone this year.

She’s the one who volunteered to work at the diner Christmas Day, because she has nobody to spend it with anyway.

She’s the widow often forgotten.

I know her well. I used to be her.

I’ll never forget the first Christmas after becoming a widow. I dreaded it with a passion, because families everywhere would be enjoying that special time together, and my daughter and I would be spending our first Christmas without my late husband.

I begged God to allow me to smile that first Christmas even though everything within me didn’t know how to show happiness. I asked Him to allow my daughter and me to feel His love in tangible ways. I prayed that although that first Christmas was expected to be quite hard, I wanted to experience true joy within the season.

God answered each of those prayers exponentially!

Most of the smiles I displayed or the joy I felt or the tangible love of God that surrounded me came as a result of others taking time to love on us. I wrote about a group of “angels” who, to this day still remain anonymous, blessed us immensely (you can read that post HERE)! These “angels”, as I fondly call them, became Jesus with skin on to my daughter and me. They helped to make each of the twelve days leading up Christmas something we looked forward to waking up to greet. They allowed us to know that we were not forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyone else’s busy season.

As Christmas nears again this year, my mind returns to that first Christmas as a widow, and I think about “her” – another lady experiencing that first Christmas without her husband. Or – perhaps – it’s a precious lady who’s been a widow for twenty + years but continues to dread this holiday season, because it brings nothing but sadness.

And so…I challenge you. I challenge you to think past the busyness that you’ll encounter this season and try to find a widow to bless. A neighbor…a co-worker…a church member…

There are so many things that you can do to help make her season a little brighter:

1) Invite her over for a meal (especially on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day).

2) Take her a basket of homemade goodies.

3) Make her a stocking and fill with little mementos or gift cards to show you care.

4) Offer to help decorate her house for Christmas and bring a tree if needed.

5) Be a Christmas “12 Days of Christmas Angel” anonymously – read more HERE!

6) Take her to an area Christmas program.

7) Fill her pantry for the rest of the month.

8) Invite her over to spend Christmas with your family.

9) Take her to a Christmas Eve service.

10) Do something else creative to let this precious widow know she’s loved and not forgotten this season.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget those who are hurting around us (especially during this season). Allow God to use you and your family to bless His precious widowed daughters this Christmas. I promise…it’ll be a Christmas neither of you will ever forget.

~A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5, NIV)

It’s a Process

Maybe You Know Her