Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

Yes…It Was THAT Serious…

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Rather than showing you pictures of a rather nasty-looking foot…I thought you might prefer to see a picture of my new friend and temporary ride.

Now that the second foot surgery is behind me and things are healing well, I thought I’d share a little more.

The original foot surgery on March 10 was supposed to be a simple Tarsal Tunnel Release. I had one about nine years ago and did quite well with it, and it’s typically a very simple surgery. I knew I’d have to baby my foot a little bit afterward, but I had only planned to be out of work 5 days (including the weekend), and planned to end my leave following Joel’s death with the end of my surgery recovery. It had been on the calendar a while anyway, and I couldn’t wait to walk pain-free again. So, I went ahead with the already scheduled procedure.

Then…things took a turn nobody (especially me) expected. While some pain was expected, I had an extraordinary amount of pain following the procedure. Additionally, I had large pools of bleeding.

**By the way, if even the talk of blood makes your stomach queasy, you might want to stop reading here. 

After I was safely in the house following being dropped off by my ride for surgery #1, I turned around to hobble my way to the bathroom, and I noticed a trail of blood along the floor that looked like I had entered the room of a crime scene. It. Scared. Me. To. Death. I went to flag the ladies down (who were outside on the driveway at that point) and immediately called my surgeon’s office. The doctor’s office talked me through what to do over the weekend, including what would require a trip to the ER. Thankfully, I never had to go to the ER over the weekend, but I did have to go see my surgeon in Asheville again on Monday morning. He wasn’t pleased with what he saw and already hinted that a second surgery might be necessary to fix the current problem. We’d continue to watch it for another day or two.

Well, the next day (Tuesday) – now four days post-op – landed me a trip to the local ER, as my pain had gotten out of control. It was no longer controllable with the medications I had, and the bleeding continued. The ER staff re-dressed the wound and controlled the pain in a more direct, short-acting way. I went back home nearly five hours later.

Wednesday – more of the same.

Thursday – back to Asheville for the surgeon to do another wound check. The conversation went like this:

Dr H: I see two choices here. In very rare cases (like I can count on one hand the number I’ve personally encountered), we have to go back into surgery and search for the source of bleeding and put a stop to it. We can do that tomorrow, or we can wait until possibly next Wednesday. I asked him his opinion, and he was hesitant to offer it just yet. Then, I spoke with as much clarity and assurance as I’d had up to that point…

Me: Dr. H….I don’t know about you, but I know God has given me a spiritual gift of discernment, and I feel I’ve been blessed with it mightily. If I stick to my “gut” (that voice of discernment) telling me what to do, then I feel this needs to be taken care of TOMORROW.

In that moment, the surgeon (who I happened to know is a believer as well) looked at me and said, “You made the right decision!” Ahhh…sweet peace just ushered in the room…

The surgery took place on Friday. It was a complete success. The surgeon removed a baseball-sized clot from my ankle. It was causing the excessive bleeding, the horrendous pain, and who knows what else. And…had it gotten loose and traveled to other parts of my body…brain, lungs, heart…I could have joined Joel in Heaven very quickly. Yes…it was THAT serious!

I still don’t understand why I’ve been asked to walk through these various trials right now…hard and painful trials, but what I do know…I can still hear that still, small voice of God speaking to me. That, in and of itself, was huge for me, as I had been begging God to hear from Him…something…anything. I felt He had been quiet with me lately, and I desperately needed something to cling to, knowing He was still with me. My faith knew it, but I was so weak and deep in grief…I needed more in that moment.

He IS still for me.

He IS still watching OVER our family.

He IS not finished with me yet.

He IS healing me!

It’s just looking a little different than I had pictured, but then again…so is my whole life, for that matter.

Thank you for your many prayers, well-wishes, tangible gifts of support, love, and concern. He is using YOU for big things. Thank you for being obedient. If He leads you to do something, follow His lead. It will never be wrong. He knows our needs better than we do.

May God bless you BIG!

#Heisstillgood

Waiting for Rescue

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The waters are very deep right now. Sometimes I feel like only my face is sticking out…just enough to breathe fresh air through my almost-buried nose. It reminds me of when I was a small child learning to swim, and I could tread water just enough to keep my face from going under. That’s when my dad (who usually worked with us the most in the pool) would step in, lift me up higher, and tell me how proud he was of me for working so hard in the water. I eventually became a pretty good swimmer, and I trained to be a rescuer (i.e., a lifeguard).

In my real-life “deep water” situation right now, I’m in desperate need of a rescue. I feel like life is swirling at super speed around me, waiting to engulf me. I’ve stopped asking “why?” and started begging, “Help me!”

It really doesn’t matter why God is letting me go through so many trials at once. I’ve witnessed His faithfulness time and time again throughout my life, and I know that His plan is always better, even if it doesn’t make sense right now. I will admit, however, I have asked Him the “why” question a few times over the last four weeks. I know He can take it, because He wants the “real me”. And…the real me has simply wanted an answer a time or two, but I haven’t gotten it yet. And yet, I’ve moved on from the questioning phase…now, I’m simply begging…

God, please help me. I am hurting so deeply right now…physically, mentally, financially, emotionally…my heart aches like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Please show me you’re right beside me! While I know you’re here, I really would love a tangible glimpse of your presence. Will you do that for me? I don’t deserve anything from You. You’ve already given me the best gift ever…eternal life. But I know you want me to have life abundantly…you say so in Your Word. So, Abba…will you please allow me to feel that abundant life right now? Will you saturate me with Your presence and overflowing love? Will you please fill the lonely places? Will you please give me peace, especially today, as I head into another surgery? Will You bring complete healing to me in ALL the areas of my body and life that need Your touch? Abba, will You rescue me today and begin the restoration work You have planned for my life on this earth? Will You allow those watching and waiting to see Your mighty power in my life? Abba Father – I give You glory, in advance, for what I know You can do! Please let none of this pain be in vain! Please be glorified through it. And…until I’m Home with You…please continue to show me how to live my life according to Your plan for me. I want nothing more than to please and glorify You!

Yes…I’m having a second surgery today. One week ago today, I had a minor procedure on my foot that should have been a breeze (I’ve had it before). However, it broke all the records, and now I’m facing another sudden surgery that will take place today at 1:30 pm ET. For my praying friends, would you please consider praying for me at that time? Pray for the surgeon to find the source of the issue quickly, to be able to fix it fully, and to prepare me for a full and speedy recovery.

I’m leaning completely on Him right now, but I also know He tells us in His Word to ask, to seek, and to knock. I’m asking, I’m seeking, and I’m knocking.

Thank you to the multitudes of you who have stepped into my little world to love on me since Joel went home to Heaven. I can’t begin to express how thankful and grateful I am for the way you’ve loved on my family during these difficult weeks. This is so much bigger than I can handle, and God has simply asked me to rest in Him while He takes care of things. He’s been taking care of things THROUGH YOU, and I love that! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you deeply!