Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

I See You…I Miss You

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I see you everywhere.

-I see you in pictures all over the house.

-I see you in ornaments hanging on the tree.
-I see you in the deer that leap across my path in the early evening hours or the wee hours of the morning.
-I see you on the couch sitting beside me as we watch our favorite Christmas movies together.
-I see you in the kitchen whipping up batches of yummy goodies.
-I see you in your sister’s crystal blue eyes – your eyes.
-I see you in “our spot” in church sitting right beside me.
-I see you in the bathroom using your sink to get ready in the mornings.
-I see you decorating a gingerbread house with Anna like you do every December.
-I see you kissing me goodbye as you leave for work each morning.
-I see you putting out the trash every Monday night.
-I see you helping your mother hang a new light fixture.
-I see you giving announcements in our Connect Group.
-I see you baking cookies to take to the Christmas program outreach night at church.
-I see you saying “I do” to me with a smile on your face, quivering voice, and tears forming in your eyes.
-I see you in the memories that continually flood my mind.

And yet…I don’t see you at all. I miss you Chris…from the depths of my being …I miss you!

Jesus Loves Me This I Know

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If you hopped over here from my post on A Widow’s Might today – thank you! I’m so glad you decided to stop by this little corner of my world.
I was completely honored when LeAnn Rice asked me to join her small team of bloggers on A Widow’s Might. I had no idea that God had this in store for me 7 months ago, but LeAnn did, as He whispered my name to her the very day Chris died (and, we had never met at that point and only barely knew of each other).
I remember so clearly the day LeAnn asked me to pray about joining her blog team. She shared the story of how she’d been praying for quite awhile for someone else to join the team but wanted God to lead her to that person. She knew it was me on the day Chris died, and she thought I would think she was crazy for sharing that with me.
Crazy? Not in the least! I’ve learned to listen closely for that still small voice of His. There have been many times that the Lord has revealed something to my heart that seems completely insane. But, when I act upon it, in obedience to whatever He reveals, it always reveals His Glory!
That’s what we’re here for anyway…right? To Glorify Him!
This life isn’t about me.
It’s not about my grief experience.
It’s not about my faith (or lack thereof, at times).
Life doesn’t care how many blog followers I have or how many comments I receive (even though, I have to admit it makes me smile).
This life isn’t here for me.
But God…my sweet Lord…
God has allowed me to be here…at this time…in the history of the world He created…for one purpose…to Glorify Him!
I try to do so daily. And, I know that I mess that up more times than I care to admit. But, I still live to Glorify Him.
I want to Glorify Him most especially with “my story”. I’ve said it so many times before, but He’s given me a story to steward. And, I want to steward it well. He’s been writing my story for nearly 40 years, and He’s woven all over it. And, others need to hear about what He’s woven in me. And so I share…
Some might argue I share too much. Others might say that I don’t share enough. It doesn’t matter what others say anyway. It only matters what He says!
And so today…I shared more of that story on A Widow’s Might. Friends, God has been carrying me every single day of these last 7 months + 1 day. Every single day. There is absolutely no way I could have made it this far without Him. No way. I know that much about myself. But, one thing I know for certain…Jesus Loves Me This I Know!