Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

I Don’t Know Why…

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I really can’t think of any reason why God continues to bless me like He does. There are so many other people that deserve blessing far more than I do.

There are women experiencing their first Christmas as a widow and are even more lonely than myself.

There are so many unemployed moms and dads this Christmas, praying like crazy that someone…anyone will provide Christmas for their little ones.

There are Christian brothers and sisters across this continent being persecuted for worshiping the same Jesus whose birth we so openly celebrate in the United States.

There are disabled veterans that continue to be plagued by the harsh indifference they receive from their “fellow” Americans day in and day out.

There are still orphans praying for a mommy and/or daddy.

There are loved ones, in the care of Hospice or family members, anticipating their last breaths.

There are homeless men, women, and children that just crave a roof over their heads.

There are still infertile couples that would give anything to see the pregnancy test declare “positive” this year.

There are hurting moms and dads praying their prodigal son or daughter would choose this Christmas to come home.

There are drug addicts and alcoholics that would give anything to be clean and sober…forever…but are waiting on that miracle to get them there.

There are victims of cancer, still waiting to hear the word “remission”.

So, why me? Why does God continue to bless undeserving me?

Honestly…I think it’s for the same reason He gave His life for me 2000 years ago. His love for you, for me, and for those yet to come is already 100% complete. There is nothing we can do or not do to make Him love us any less or anymore. We just have to say “yes” and “thank you” to that love!

In the same way, I choose to say “yes” and “thank you” to His blessings. Some days, His blessings are obvious and enormous. Some days, they are much harder to see.

I don’t know why He chose me, and I don’t know why He continues to bless me so much, but I’m eternally grateful that He did then and that He still does now!

I love you, Lord Jesus!

Best Laid Plans

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Well…well…well…you know what they say about “best laid plans”? My intentions of blogging Monday through Friday have, well…let’s just say been challenged a bit this past week.

I faced another grief tidal wave last week. Now, 7+ months into this new life as a widow, I still struggle to know how to battle those giant, pounding mounds of grief water that tend to shatter me…for a day, or two, or three… I’ve learned enough about grief to know that there is no “magic” formula to its ending, there is no timetable to follow, and honestly – there is no end to it.
Yes, there will be an end to some parts of this journey, but memories of my precious husband will never, ever leave me. God gave me such a gift in him and in our marriage! I was blessed indeed, and for that I will continue to give thanks and yet grieve that which I no longer have until the day God calls me to the land of Glory!
Just as the tidal wave started to pass, a new wave arrived! This time – one of physical sickness. Within three hours, I went from laughing with the sweet ladies I teach every Sunday morning, while we enjoyed our Christmas potluck luncheon…
Connect Group Christmas Potluck Luncheon & Ornament Exchange
to feeling like this…
No – this isn’t me. My picture would look much worse!

I’ve literally been rendered pretty helpless right now. Fever, body aches, chills, headache, upset stomach, nausea, you name it…it seems to have temporarily taken over my body. My plans of having a productive Sunday afternoon and evening yesterday abruptly changed.

We have company coming this weekend, and I still have cleaning to do, grocery shopping that needs to be tackled, Christmas shopping to do, and the list goes on… But, interestingly enough, I can’t do any of it now, because my body won’t let me. I’ve slept about 19 of the last 24 hours, and even that doesn’t seem to be enough. So, for now, I succumb to this “bug” that seems to have invaded my space. And, I pray that it leaves QUICKLY!!!
Interestingly enough, this reminds me of another time – the first week of May, 2011. Life was busy, as usual, and I was puttering along through it as I always do until I realized my husband was missing and then later gone. Quite abruptly, my “plans” changed, and nothing else seemed to matter except trying to cope and exist through those first days and weeks of widowhood. 
A “planner” by nature, God has really had to work on me in that area. It’s so easy for me to have everything all mapped out and then when something doesn’t go as planned, I unravel a bit. But, as only God could ordain, part of that planner in me has also changed. I’m still very much Type A, but I’ve learned that my best laid plans can be snuffed out at a moment’s notice. And so…I have to leave my plans in His hands! His plans for me are the best anyway (no matter how crazy that may appear at times). Therefore, I lay even my plans at His altar, as my act of worship this day!
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it’s the LORD’s purpose that prevails. ~Proverbs 19:21